Wifeys & Gentlemen,
I know, I know…I’m really really late to the party on this, but hear me out…
While I know this isn’t exactly “old” news, I prefer to wait until people have had time to digest & forget about a situation before I throw my 2 cents in. This way, the thoughts and opinions I share feel more genuine and less reactionary.
In today’s post, I want to have a quick chat about my reaction to Ayesha Curry’s comments on the Red Table Talk, and what I think we can all learn from both what was said and how it was interpreted.
First of all, if you don’t already, I would highly recommend watching Red Table Talk (which I will refer to as RTT for the rest of this post). Jada Pinkett-Smith and her family do a wonderful job of touching on important topics and I love the way they attempt to get conversations started and push us to think about things we might not otherwise acknowledge.
While I do sometimes wish they would have longer episodes that take some of these topics to the next level, I’ve come to realize that that isn’t really the intention; it’s okay. I appreciate that it leaves room for lil ol’ bloggers (like me) to take the baton and have a voice on the topics!
In one of their more recent episodes, Mrs. Curry, who I truly respect/admire for allowing herself to be vulnerable in this way, expressed some of her insecurities around being Steph Curry’s wife.
Now, if you’re not familiar with Steph Curry, Ayesha Curry, or what was said verbatim, take a few minutes to do a quick Google search and come on back to me!
(Real Talk: normally, I would summarize this part for you but I’ve really been trying to cut these posts down and this baby is already going to be split into two parts)
Thinking about what she said, I have a couple of points that I’d like to touch on. You wanna hear em? Here they go….
In my personal opinion, some of what she expressed in the episode is low-key problematic:
During the start of the conversation, Jada asked the table how they deal with the ‘groupies’ who swarm their men. Keep in mind that all of the guests were somehow connected to the Curry family and each of the 4 women is currently either married or engaged to a popular NBA player.
Ayesha is honest and says that she hates it.
She talks about the fact that Steph (her husband) is a naturally very friendly person and women can take advantage of this. She feels like she has to insert herself into the conversation if she senses that things are getting out of hand. Truthfully, I think we can all relate to this. We have all had moments where we might have felt jealous or insecure about someone paying too much attention to our partner.
Sonya Curry & Jada (two women with a lot of experience being married to high-profile men) speak on how much internal confidence it truly takes to get used to the idea of a groupie; it isn’t perfect but it’s possible to deal with. However, Ayesha then goes on to point out that one of her bigger insecurities is the fact that she notices how Steph has women throwing themselves at him and believes that for the past 10 years she gets 0 male attention.
This, to me, is problematic.
I am of the opinion that a happily married person should truly only seek validation from themselves and their spouse. I am going to speak to why this is easier said than done in point number two, but if Ayesha was being honest in this statement, then it is a little concerning when we check the stats.
Steph, as far as we know, has been faithful to her for approximately 15 years. She says he is one the nicest people she has ever known. He doesn’t abuse his status with her, he is a good father to his children, and (aside from standard problems every couple will face) they have a loving marriage. Moreover, he is just about the BEST type of provider you could find (making millions upon millions every year AND giving back to his community).
Unless there is something we don’t know (and believe me there very well could be), what attention or validation could she possibly need to have from other men that her otherwise amazing and attentive husband isn’t providing? There is so much love there. Ayesha is beautiful and we can all publicly see how much Steph acknowledges this on a regular basis. I am also going to assume that their sexual chemistry is great and there is true intimacy in their relationship (they have 3 kids, after-all).
So my problem is that if she is truly feeling insecure and experiencing even a small lack of fulfillment as a result, she has some reevaluating to do. I do not think this makes her a bad person or any less in love with her husband. I do think that it means it is time for her to work on herself. No amount of attention from your husband or any Joe on the street is going to truly complete you if you don’t begin the work to fully love yourself. When we strip her statement down, I think what she’s really talking about is a lack of self love that, if I had to guess, is coming from the fact that she is a young wife and mother whose primary identity is deeply entrenched in her husband’s life and career.
In that same breath, I do believe that what she said was blown out of proportion and taken out of true context.
Not to contradict myself, but while I do think that there is a slight problem with wanting to be desired by other people outside of your relationship, I think many reactions to her statement were unfair and overblown.
About a month or so ago, I went out with my besties for an early birthday celebration and got some non-harassing attention from a handful of men. I brushed it off and kept it moving, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to know I still “got it” despite wearing this wedding ring for the past 2.5 years. I said this to my husband as well and he totally understood.
You might disagree, but married men and women are often viewed so differently. My husband recently pointed out that wearing his ring made him feel sexier!
Realistically, even though many won’t act on it, there is something sort of hot about an attractive, married man. This isn’t usually the case for women. In fact, most of the time, when we go out, my single friends get all of the attention and I fall back to the sidelines. I am 100% okay with this because I’m not single and I love what I’ve got at home, but many times wives and moms can feel invisible. We get so wrapped up in being there for our husbands and families that we can lose ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, I know men experience this too, but our society has conditioned women to care about their appearance in such a way that feeling ugly or invisible is depressing and toxic. Derrick Jackson makes a great point on his Instagram page about this and I felt it was really valid and important. We are living in the age of the perfect looking instagram model and external validation is everything.
So…cut the woman a break! She’s a wife, mother, and career woman who is absolutely beautiful and likely is ready for something to make her feel whole that isn’t her husband or her children. We are more than are careers and the lives we cultivate in public.
Again, I think this is a normal way to feel, especially when you’ve been in the type of relationship that she’s in. & it speaks way more to a need for true, deep, self-love and self-actualization than true problems within the marriage.
I will post Part 2 on Friday!
Feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Until Next Time,
Carry on Wifeys & Gents!
Be a lamb and tell your friends…