Wifeys & Gentlemen,
A couple days ago, we talked about some tips and tricks my single/dating homies can use when they are ready to “shoot their shot” and make a romantic move on a potential partner.
As I mentioned in that post, the act of going after who/what you want is much easier for some than it is for others. At the end of the day, I believe it boils down to our levels of confidence and self-esteem.
Believe it or not, confidence is something that can actually be worked on and developed over time. The same is true for the way we feel about ourselves. While I am no expert in the field of confidence and self-love, it is a journey I have been on for many years now; one that I believe has significantly improved with time and practice.
As usual…because I think ya’ll know me and my style by now, here are a few tips for any of my wifeys & gents who want to work on strengthening their confidence and building their self-esteem.
Stop comparing and get focused.
I put this one first because it is, by far, the hardest thing for most of us to do. Social media has given us all a reason and a means to constantly compare ourselves to others.
Why is she so pretty?
Why is he so ripped?
I wish I had more money.
I wish I had a beautiful home and a perfect husband.
Look at her! She’s got her dream job and she isn’t even 30!
If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. In a society where we are encouraged to share our perfection instead of struggle, it is easy to believe that everyone out there is doing better than you. Although this isn’t true (AT ALL), even if it were, does dwelling on it change your circumstances?
Instead, try accepting yourself for wherever you are in your journey and celebrating the hard work you’ve put in to get to the here and now. Sure, it’s great to watch our role models for inspiration, but at the end of the day, no one can help achieve your dreams but YOU.
Don’t get overwhelmed by comparing yourself to the next person. Focus on yourself and the goals you have set. I can promise you’ll feel SO GOOD when you let go of your perception of where you should be and focus on where you are and where you’re going.
Comparison is the enemy of joy.
Practice being brave and stepping out of your comfort zone.
Being confident means being willing to fail. What better way to explore your successes and failures than stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things?
Say “yes” when people invite you out for drinks after work.
Sign up for that pole dancing class.
Do the unexpected once in a while.
When I first started practicing confidence, one of my goals was to do something that scares me, everyday! Of course, this could be something as simple as having a conversation with a stranger on the elevator or taking a different route to work. While I can’t say I was successful in doing it everyday that year, the fact that I was conscious of it made me push myself whenever I could. It showed me that I didn’t only have to stick to the things I knew I was good at. I discovered I was good at lots of things! & the things I wasn’t so great at, still made me feel good because I got out there and tried (looking at you Zumba class…looking at you).
Work on your communication skills.
Like a bad penny, it just keeps coming back!
Great communication skills are a KEY element in being confident. When you know how to articulate yourself and get your point across clearly, no one can touch you.
This isn’t limited to speaking, but also in the way you write AND your non-verbal language.
Work on skills that help you build clarity and power in your delivery. Work on skills that help you argue and critque in constructive, helpful ways. Work on your persuasive skills. Work on your apologies.
Your power comes from having a voice.
Surround yourself with positivity and love.
It might be hard to accept, but when you start to become more confident and find love for yourself, you might discover that the people in your life aren’t moving and growing with you.
When we don’t feel good about ourselves, we tend to connect with and lean on other, like-minded people. Encourage your friends and family to practice these changes with you, but know that if they are unwilling, you might be forced to let them go.
Being and staying confident means that you are positive. You need to practice speaking love and light into your life. You need to KNOW that your dreams and goals are just around the corner. You need to move in a way that lets the world know that you are worthy and you deserve.
Practice positive affirmations, listen to positive music, absorb positive and motivating messages, connect with positive and loving people, and try to do all things from a place of love and optimism.
Does this mean you’ll never have a shitty day or feel negative about life? NOPE!
But 80% of the time, you’re trying.
The people you interact with have a direct impact on your mood and state of mind. Don’t let ANYONE zap your energy or destroy your high (even when it isn’t intentional).
Be aware of the messages you tell yourself.
Part of surrounding yourself with positivity and love means you’ll likely have to break up with the negative version of yourself.
You know the one.
Mine, for example, is a real asshole. She says mean things to me ALL THE TIME! She tries to trigger my anxiety. She tries to make me feel unloved and unworthy. Often, she tries to take over and drive my attitude and reactions.
Again, I am NOT perfect…but whenever she starts talking to me, whenever she tries to fill my mind with doubt, worry, or insecurity, I acknowledge the thought and work hard to either:
- replace it with a positive one
- understand where the fear is coming from and challenge myself to keep moving.
This tip is the one that requires the most self-awareness and practice. Negative self-talk is one of the BIGGEST things that’s holds us back from loving ourselves. It is born of shame, trauma, fear, and self-loathing. It holds us back from our greatness and steals our potential.
If nothing else, please be aware of and stop listening the cruel voice in your head. It’s only goal is to hurt you. Tell them they have no place in your life and practice the healing.
Fake it till you make it!
When we break it all down, sometimes in order to achieve a goal or feel like we belong is to just pretend.
I know we don’t like to admit it, but how many of us have lied on a job application or exaggerated our qualities to seem more appealing or competitive?
You fake knowing what you’re doing to get your foot in the door and then “learn on the job”, so to speak.
The same is true for beginning to feel confident. If you start acting like you’re a confident bad-ass, pretty soon, it just becomes a habit.
Why should anyone know that you’re actually terrified or feeling insecure? I know I told you that comparing yourself to others is a HUGE mistake. It is. But if you’re not quite sure how to fake it, take a look at some people who you believe to be confident.
What do they do? How to they behave? Are there any qualities about them you feel like you can emulate? Maybe you have a friend whose always the life of the party? How can you be more like them the next time an event comes around? Do you have a coworker who always seems to nail presentations or big meetings? What skills do they have that you can adopt to feel more successful at your next presentation?
You might be surprised to find out that many of the confident people you admire feel like fakers as well. We all have strengths and weaknesses, some that can’t be denied, but you can always pretend to have confidence.
Remember, even confident people fail. Confident people might even be afraid to fail. They just don’t let it stop them.
Let me know what you guys think in the comments? Do you have affirmations or habits that make you feel more confident? Is there anything on this list you might try?
Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog so you never miss out on new uploads! We’ve got a lot coming in March as we get deeper into the theme of growth, revitalization, and regrouping!
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
Be a lamb and tell your friends…🐑🐑🐑…🐑🐑🐑…