Fridays are quickly becoming one of my favorite days of the week! I’m not sure if it’s the obvious “woo, last day of work!” excitement or the “I get to see my man tonight!” excitement or the “oh my god I just want to crawl into a bottle of wine and live there for the next 72 hours!” excitement, but I wake up on Friday morning with a strange sense of energy! I am ready to take on the day ahead.
Wifeys and Gentlemen, I believe I also have you all to thank for my new found love for Friday as well. Now, I not only have things to be excited about, I get to be the reason why someone (even if it’s only my mom) 😉 gets to be excited for Fridays as well! (Thanks mom).
So it is with great excitement, and a little bit of sadness, that I give you “My 12 Rules for Successful Dating: Part 3 (The Final Chapter).” As I mentioned before, I saved these 4 rules for last because they are my favorite!
9) Remember: the context under which you met is likely to be the context under which you date (at least for a while).
I absolutely love the notion that “all stereotypes come from somewhere”. It’s so true! & while there is always a gray area, and we should always be aware that there are exceptions and variables, this concept applies to my rule #9 like magic!
Look, it’s no secret, if you met your guy in line waiting to get into a club, if you met your girl after pounding 6 shots with your buddies, if you met him on Tinder, or if you met her at the grocery store, these are mild indicators about the kind of person you are getting involved with and the kind of “relationship” you are likely to have (at least for a little while) when you begin dating.
This is NOT always a bad thing & (just so I am clear) this is not a condemnation of anyone who meets their significant other at a club or bar (I did, and we’ve had a great time together for 2+ years and counting). However, this is a warning not to be surprised or overwhelmed by the ladies and gents you’ll find in your preferred hunting grounds.
Most of us know what we’re getting to. Still, for your reference, I have included the following “quick guide”:
|If you met him/her:||Then he or she is likely:|
|a) At A Club/Party/Bar||Someone who likes to party, drink, do drugs, and/or hook up. Someone looking for a good time. Someone with a stressful job. Someone in college. Someone who knows how to have fun on the weekends. Risky, but not always in a bad way.|
|b) Online/On An App/ Speed Dating/ Singles Event||Someone who wants to hook up, someone desperate, someone who does not have a lot of time to look for a relationship, someone clingy who lacks experience, someone who believes they are unattractive (not always true, but he/she BELIEVES it to be true)|
|c) At A Coffee Shop/Grocery Store/ Public Space (that is not a party)||Someone reasonably normal with their own set of baggage and personal issues; he/she could be crazy, but you won’t know that right away. Roll the dice!|
|d) Through a Casual Acquaintance/ Coworker / Set Up / Blind Date||Someone who will make a great “awful date” story at your next cocktail party.|
|e) Through a good friend or trustworthy relative||Someone who likely doesn’t want to be set up either but is open to the idea of a relationship, someone who likely has heard of you and is interested already, someone stable and date-worthy. (Your friends know you, trust them).|
|f) In a manner that resembles your favorite romantic comedy||Someone to marry right away as you are likely being hit on by Brad Pitt or Scarlet Johanson or something!|
|g) At Work/School/Class/ On Your Couch (roommate)||Someone who is probably a healthy mix of “c” “d” & “e” but proceed with caution as these decisions don’t usually end well, and you might need to find another job…|
Okay, so I’m only 1/2 serious on these, but the point is to remember that the places people choose to hang out and spend their time can be very telling about the way they will choose to connect with you. This is not a fool proof rule, but something to be aware of when you give that cutie at Starbucks your phone number! I have been both pleasantly surprised by the ways this chart rings true and the ways I’ve seen my dates defy the odds.
Keep it in mind, while keeping an open mind!
10) Keep Things to Yourself!
We get excited when we meet someone we click with! It’s one of the best parts of the ‘early dating’ stage. Sometimes, we meet someone who we just feel comfortable with naturally.
Wifeys, use your judgement & trust that gut! There is a difference between a true, organic connection with someone who just “gets you” and rushing things because you’re excited about the possibility. Your date does not need to know every detail about your life and your past right away! I don’t care how natural it flows, there are just some cards we all must wait to play.
Need Examples? Okay!: Did you go to jail for assault or robbery in high school but you’re “not that girl anymore”? Great! Save it for a few months down the road when he has had a chance to see how great you are for himself! Have you had sex with over 100 people (and you’re not lying about it)? Awesome! Don’t share that, it’s irrelevant to your relationship and your partner can’t unlearn that info once he/she hears it! Wait until you know he/she won’t care or become insecure. The “What’s your number” convo is a HUGE mistake. Don’t do it! Did you give up a child for adoption in your previous relationship? That’s okay too! Bring it up when you’re committed and you feel like it’s the right time. Are you an heir to a multi-million dollar fortune? Lucky! But please, make sure you really trust him with your life before you blab about your extra cash.
We have all done things that are outlandish, stupid, and downright insane! Everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet. Everyone has a secret. We all wear masks. We should be able to trust our partners with these details when we are sure they are someone we really want to be with. Save this ‘lock and key’ information for those special, heart to heart moments, not because you want to “hide” or “deceive”someone, but to truly define intimacy for yourself and the one you’re with.
Only the special ones, the ones who will leave a mark on your heart in a significant way, deserve to know the deepest parts of you; whether it works out or you break up, you’ll feel better knowing your business isn’t out there to every Tom, Dick, and Jane you’ve ever dated. It’s a real relief.
11) Love is a choice
My whole blog’s premise is based on this rule, and it will continue to come up time and time again. When we fall in love, when we give our hearts to someone, it is a choice.
It is a choice that should be taken seriously and should never be used as an excuse to behave poorly or a crutch when our partners are doing something wrong.
When dating, ask yourself this: “If this person chooses to love me, can I be responsible enough to them to choose to love them back?” If the answer is yes, then mean it! Know that it means making them a priority in your life. Know that it means that when other sexy beasts are throwing themselves at you, you’ll politely decline (and take the confidence boost home with you instead). Know that it means supporting them, standing with them, growing with and caring for them, and being strong enough to let them go if YOU fall short of the promises and choices you’ve made.
Humans are extraordinary machines. We are some of the most elegant and beautiful creatures on the planet. Our brains can do amazing things! & of those amazing things, most of us have the ability (barring outside mental health concerns) to navigate our feelings and how we share and express them with others.
Do not ever let anyone take this away from you; no one can take away your choice. As I mentioned before, your love is a privilege, not a right. Do not ever let anyone manipulate you into thinking that they couldn’t control themselves when significantly hurting you, they could. Do not ever manipulate yourself into thinking you couldn’t control it when significantly hurting someone else, you could.
It isn’t always perfect, and it isn’t always easy, but love is NOT inherently supposed to hurt. It’s an awesome choice that we all must decide to make for ourselves.
I mean this, sincerely.
12) We are born in one day, we die in one day, and we meet the loves of our lives in one day. Never underestimate the power of a day. So much can happen, so much can change, and the possibility is exciting.
Dating is hard. Period.
Wifeys, there will be times when you hate it. There will be nights spent crying. There will be times when you think you’ve found “the one” only to find out you were wrong. You may feel abused, used, tired, unloved, under-appreciated, and unlucky. You may even feel like your time has passed and that it might be time to give up.
& when you are feeling this way, read rule #12. Write it down somewhere so you never forget the infinite and awe-striking magic that can happen in one single day; a day that could change your whole life for the better!
Be excited everyday, be thankful everyday (even when it’s hard), and always be ready because one day, I promise, “the one” will show up, if they haven’t already ;-).
& so concludes My 12 Rules for Successful Dating! It’s been a long 3 weeks, but now that we’ve made it to the end, I think it might be safe to say that we’re getting close. Yes? You’re getting to know me, Wifeys! You know what I’m about & in future posts, you can know where I am coming from.
Exciting things are on the horizon as we approach the Holidays!
Until next week,
Carry on, Wifeys!