Wifeys & Gentlemen,
I am officially one-month engaged ❤ ❤ <3! I promise that one day, I will start a blog or a conversation and leave that out, but I am still so excited about the prospect of getting married and planning my wedding that I can’t seem to fully “get over it” yet. I’d apologize, but we both know I wouldn’t be the least bit sincere, and what’s amends without genuine remorse? Hehe.
The subject of aggravating people with my engagement story and ring and details and plans and ideas and every other little thing that I’m sure friends and family want to ring my neck for, had me thinking a lot about excitement and how awesome it is when we simply show enthusiasm to and for others. He’s never directly said it, but I can see the light in my fiancé’s eyes when he hears me mention ‘The Wedding’ or catches me staring at my ring. He’s excited that I’m excited about him (and vice versa, of course).
Marriage is such a big and important thing. So much so, that sometimes, I still worry about it. My mother says it’s normal, but with all the excitement that I have about getting married comes a twinge of sadness. That sadness comes not from fearing marriage as a whole or even from fearing marriage to my love (who is seriously the best thing that I could have ever asked for in a fiancé), but from fearing that once I have it, it will end. I know how crazy that might sound to some of you, but when you think about it, one of the biggest reasons that people do not want to get married is because they don’t want to get divorced. I look around at some of the best relationships I’ve seen (or at least perceived to be great) and wonder how they go from feeling the way my fiancé and I do about each other to ending in heartache and sorrow. What changed? What did these people do, or not do, to find themselves in this place?
Oddly enough, this post is NOT about my irrational fears of divorce or trying to understand why seemingly awesome couples like Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner call it quits. Sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed or overburdened by things I cannot control or change, I try to focus on what I can do to continue to make things better for myself and the people I love. After spending a good chunk of my evening in some serious mediation, I realized that one of the many many reasons I won’t get divorced is because I chose, as my fiancé chooses, to work at being great partners who put each other as priorities in our lives. Don’t misunderstand, no relationship should be all consuming in your life. I have hobbies and interests outside of my love, he has friends and interests outside of me, but it is the time that we choose to make for each other that keeps us strong and able, even when it’s tough.
One of my favorite things about being with my fiancé is the silly rituals we have on a weekly basis. While they might seem kind of cheesy to some, they give us the time and space we need to remember how valuable our relationship is and the things that it took to bring us together in the first place. Back when we first decided to live together, I remember asking him: “can we remember to date?” he seemed a little confused at first, but when I told him about my concerns; quantity of time vs quality of time, he agreed that trying to remember to still date each other was of great importance.
So, what does this mean?
Well, wifeys it’s actually really simple. Each week (days and times are up to you) make sure you make it a point to go on a date with your partner! This could be something as elaborate as a Morton’s steak dinner or a simple as a movie night in, the possibilities are huge! Get creative!
It might seem simplistic or feel like you are adding yet another, mundane routine to your ever growing ‘To-Do’ list, but consider this:
When you first started seeing each other, it was all dinners and movies and bar hoping with friends. Maybe you guys texted all day and night? Maybe you were kind of long(ish) distance and could only see each other on occasion? Regardless of the circumstances, in those early stages, you’d crash at each other’s houses, wait for a text or call, and feel yourself getting high off of seeing them. As your relationship evolved, maybe you saw them 3-4 times a week? If you’re like my fiancé and me, maybe you worked all week and got together only on the weekends? Deciding to take a big step: moving in together, getting married, having kids, means those exciting moments where you couldn’t wait to see your partner take a back seat to…well…life!
Suddenly, you find yourself working later hours, running out of time to make dinner, or wanting to spend the weekends catching up on sleep or with friends. The constant presence of your significant other becomes a given and, though very valuable to you, something that you just expect; something that you take for granted as a part of your everyday life. Having things like date nights, or even something as simple as committing to eating dinner together 2-3 nights a week, can go a long way in helping both of you remember why you wanted this commitment in the first place.
If there is one thing I can promise my future husband, it’s that we will always date. Come hell or high water, babies, low finances, or whatever other tricks life has to throw our way, there will always be an effort made to be with him. There will always be time taken to ask about his day, listen to his thoughts, and care about his dreams/goals. There will always be an excitement at the prospect of “we” time & there will always be an apology when I fail, and take him for granted (because realistically, I will).
If you haven’t already, try adding a “date night” or “we” time dinner into your routine. I’ve even helped you get started by linking you to a list of ideas (http://stylecaster.com/creative-date-ideas/). Come on…take your lover out for a night on the town and tell me you don’t get butterflies! I defy you not to get excited. Let me know how it goes!
Until next week,
Carry on Wifeys!