Recently, as a result of unrelenting insomnia and a need to quiet my mind, I stumbled across an article entitled Seven Ways to Stay Attractive to Your Partner. I must admit, I am a huge sucker for these types of things. Body image, both negative and positive, has been something I have struggled with for a large part of my life, and anytime someone wants to give me tips of how to stay foxy-fine, I can’t resist the urge to take a look. Try not to judge me!
The good news is that now that I am 28, I have found a little more self-awareness and self-acceptance. I am working every day to fall in love with the skin I am in, because, and I will let you in on a secret, IT’S NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
True story, people…. no matter what you do, no matter how much weight you gain or lose, no matter how many surgical procedures you get, the body you were born into is uniquely and fundamentally, yours. You must love it at any size or shape, flaws and all.
Whew! Trippy, right?…who knew?
In all seriousness, I don’t mean to be preachy, so forgive me for my seemingly random interjections of body-positive-love- thyself-promotion, but honestly, if someone like me can come so far and still reach for these type of articles, I can only imagine how a lot of other youngins’ must feel when they think they do not measure up. Especially when they start to feel paranoid about staying ‘hot’ for their significant other. Don’t misunderstand, for once, I am not blaming the article. It was simply doing its job. When we are being real about it, don’t we all want to make sure our partner stays interested in us? Don’t we all want to feel secure that our wives/husbands, girlfriends/boyfriends, and side-pieces (haha) stay attractive and interesting to us?
In reality, the answer is yes, but what bothered me about the article is what bothers me about the way we think about ourselves as a whole; always striving for an image and never truly feeling complete or trusting that what we’ve got (at the core) is enough.
Now, this does NOT apply to all things. Ambition, drive, and striving to beat your personal best is often healthy and necessary in order to achieve goals. In work, school, love, and life, we should always keep striving to be the best versions of ourselves and this does not change when we are talking about our maintaining passion and sexual chemistry with our partners. Still, we must remember that being attractive to our lover(s) encompasses so much more than the physical. Instead of focusing on your diet regimen or being paranoid about what will happen when your rocking 25 year old body is mangled and ravaged by babies, a new job, stress, and sagging, focus on the aspects of chemistry that nourish both the body and the soul.
By that I mean:
- Frequently ask your partner about their interests and remember to share yours. Part of what you like about the person you’re with (I hope) has to do what the things they like to do and the person that they are. Couples cannot succeed without growing together; stimulate your minds by sharing your love of music, movies, food, books, and hobbies. Exchange, exchange, exchange! & then grow and change…together.
- Touch each other! I know this seems pretty self-explanatory, but you might be surprised by how many couples forget to share intimacy AND physical expressions of love. Without realizing it, each time you hug, kiss, hold hands, and make love, you are telling each other that you’re still interested, attracted, and curious about one another’s bodies. Life doesn’t always leave time for crazy sexual adventures (though I would also suggest having those as often as you can), so when you don’t have time, make it! Take time to show physical love in any fun, resonating ways that are meaningful to you both.
- Stay healthy. This is NOT about losing weight or having a “great” body. We are naturally most attracted to people who take care of themselves. Eat well, get active, keep your mind sharp, and do things that will keep that beautiful heart pumping for years to come.
- Talk to each other! “Ugh…is she talking about communication AGAIN?!?!”… You are damn right, I am! If you want something physically from your partner or you are concerned that the spark between you is fading out, say something! You cannot fix what’s broken if you won’t admit it. Note: This can be achieved without being mean or hurtful. You don’t want to hurt feelings, call names, or blame. But it is 100% okay to speak your mind and make it known when you need more. That’s how relationships last.
- Finally…LOVE YOURSELF! As I mentioned before, learning to love the skin we are in is hard. We always want to be better, have bigger boobs or six pack abs, and be the envy of every man/woman/unicorn we meet! Believe me, I get it & ive been there. But try to remember (& tell yourself) that you are a sexy powerhouse of awesomeness. You must believe it. If I have said it once I have said it 10000 times; there is nothing sexier than a man or woman who is in love with the beauty & uniqueness of their own body. Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac and I beg you to try it!
So what do you guys think? Am I crazy? Is it possible that at some point we can all be guilty of “letting ourselves go”; too fat, too lazy, too much achne, too many rolls? I’d love to hear your thoughts…but I’m sure I’ll disagree. 😉
Until next week!
Carry on Wifeys