Ode to the ‘Nice Guy’ (or girl).

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Wifeys and Gentlemen,

So I think we have officially entered a stage with this blog where I can level with you about my posts without having to come up with some lame excuse as to why I have failed to write one on any given Friday. Instead, how about we say that I promise to post at least 3 new blogs a month? Leaving things open ended means that if I am busy during one week and wide open the next, you still get new posts for your entertainment (and/or information) without me feeling guilty about my neglect. Additionally, it leaves room for extra posts! So for those times when the inspiration just flows through me, I’ll be able to shower all of you beautiful readers with extra content!

I see some double posts in your future, trust me! 😉

Do we have a deal?

Yay! Moving on….

I have always been an advocate for the ‘nice guy’, rumor has it that they always finish last & frankly, I’ve never understood why! Nice people deserve good things; good jobs in careers they love, good homes, good food, good friends, and a good relationship to keep them warm at night (if these are things they want, of course). Basically, nice people deserve things that are…nice! I mean think about it; nice guys/girls think of others and are only selfish when they truly need to be, they do their part to help their fellow man, they make their friends and family feel good about themselves, they aren’t afraid to ask for help or give help to someone in need, and (in general) being around them or interacting with them tends to make us feel so much better!

Recently, however, it has come to my attention that the ‘nice’ people have actually stopped being nice! Somewhere in the past decade, men and women alike have caught on to a new mentality that if they pretend to be nice, they are entitled to something in return.

In effect, kindness is now a form of currency.

Who did this? I demand to know! Who DESTROYED the ‘nice guy’ and decided that kindness and consideration was now a dime-a-dozen business transaction?!

A friend of mine mentioned recently that she wished her ex could be less stupid so she could just marry him already! Dating has become so frustrating and exhausting that sometimes, it might seem easier to settle for the next person that has a decent paying job and his/her own Netflix account (you know…so you guys can ‘chill’. Hehe).

This concept got me thinking about all the ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’; those types of “nice guys” and “nice girls” we would all do well to avoid. I will mention, as my usual disclaimer, that this list is NOT gospel. Some of you might actually like the types of people I am describing and that’s 100% ok. Furthermore, some of you might BE the types of people I am describing, & that’s okay too! All posts are reflective of my own opinions (mixed with a good bit of research) and not everyone has to agree!

Savvy? Ok! Let’s go.

  • The “Mean” Guy (Girl).

Have you ever been on a date with a guy who seems like a total gentlemen? You know the type, he takes you out, buys you dinner, compliments your outfit, and respects your personal and physical boundaries. When the date is over, he puts you in an Uber (that he paid for) and sends you a text message to make sure you got home safe. Days later, he’s already trying to book your 2nd date, and you are over the moon with excitement! Maybe this time you decide to go see a movie (or whatever) and when you arrive at the theater, the kid at the ticket counter is fumbling with the change. Your date becomes irate, making snide, passive agressive remarks about the service, and the ticket usher is visibly uncomfortable. As time passes, you come to notice that he is rude to waiters, bartenders, children, blue collar workers, homeless people, parking attendants, and adorable animals! Maybe you’ve even had a few conversations that left you feeling bad about yourself as well?

You might have a “mean” guy on your hands! Fact is, “mean guy” would be perfect, if not for the fact that he’s generally an asshole! Mean guys are usually really nice to the person they are with (with a few slip ups here and there) and outwardly snide, rude, bitchy, or hostile to others. While this might not manifest in all situations, the ‘mean guy’ is one you are embarrassed to be with in public; you never know what he’ll say or do to offend someone, and sometimes, he makes you feel bad about yourself too.

This is a fish best left in the pond. While some people are equipped to handle this type, most of us want to be with someone who we feel happy bringing around our friends and family. If you encounter this type, you are NOT a bad person if you find yourself wanting to move on. Please understand that not every person is for everyone, and even if someone treats you like gold, many of us want to be with someone who shows compassion and respect for others.

  • The Willfully Ignorant Chick

This type comes in many forms and she (he) can be hard to pinpoint simply because “ignorance is so relative and subjective. Still, based on your own personal preferences, this type of lady has ideas and world views that (for you) are just so stupid and illogical that you can’t seem to get over it.  Is this chick too religious for you? Is she anti-immigration? Does she think ‘The Donald’ (Trump) is our next messiah? Is she a Vegan nut-job who refuses to respect your eating habits? Is she an anti-abortion extremist? Whatever it is that gets under your skin, if t you find yourself at the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to important views, this willfully ignorant “nice girl” probably isn’t for you.

Realistically, while we do not always want to date someone who is EXACTLY like us, it might be hard to be with someone who (morally and vocally) opposes the principles you stand for. To you, she might seem inexplicably dumb, and no matter how much you ‘talk it out’, her arguments and explanations just never seem good enough. It might be time to either a) reconsider your personal beliefs and principles or b) decide to try to date people with views that are (at the very least) similar to your own; you might not be on the same page, but at least you’re reading from the same book, right?

  • Entitled Guy

In my not-so-humble opinion, this guy is one of the worst! Have you ever met someone who seemed fine at first and then got weirdly cruel and aggressive if and when you told them something they didn’t want to hear? This is the guy who expects sex after a nice night out, this is a guy who calls you a ‘fat whore’ after you tell him you’re not interested in a 2nd date. This is a guy who reminds you of how grateful you should be to have him, constantly reminding you of how “nice” he actually is and how generous he is for taking you off of the market. (you lucky gal, you!)

Wifeys & gents, beware this type! If they feel overly entitled to you, your time, or your body, this might be a HUGE red flag. This is not to suggest that, in a proper setting (ie: a long term relationship) your partner might be entitled to a bit of your time and space. For example, if you keep blowing your boyfriend/girlfriend of 6 years off on their birthday or your anniversary, you might have a few mean words coming your way; your long term partner deserves your time and attention when it matters most (a form of mutual entitlement, if you will). However, please remember that we do not owe the people we are dating ANYTHING we do not wish to give. It kills me to think of how many young men and women have felt pressured into sex/sex acts, giving money, or spending time with someone they didn’t like just because they were made to feel uncomfortable, nervous, and/or obligated. No one should make you feel that way, find someone who is gracious and respectful of your mind and body…please?

  • Mrs.Never-Wrong.

This water doesn’t taste filtered. Could you check again?

I’m not paying $38 for that sub-par steak. Can I speak to a manager?

The hemline of this dress is poor, is there a discount?

I’m too tired, and Jenny has been literally doing nothing all day, ask her. 

I just don’t understand why it took so long to get here. Did you take the correct route?

Last time I was here the bartender charged me way less.

Do any of these sentences sound familiar?

Yikes!

Having complaints is perfectly normal. We all whine and complain and argue from time and time and many of us understand that it is a (small) part of daily life. I for one am known to complain about my sore body, PMS cramps, co-workers, and crazy family ALL THE TIME. However, the problem begins when you find someone who not only makes a habit of complaining, but can never be incorrect or satisfied. Does she argue with everything someone says? Does she bully others until she gets her way? Is nothing ever good enough or somehow always just below her expectations? You are likely dealing with a Mrs. Never-Wrong!

While she might not be mean per say, she certainly isn’t very nice or pleasant to be around. She will always insist that everyone else (including you) are the ones with the issues and she’s just trying to make sure she gets her due. Everything is a conflict and everyone is under attack. Unless you can be like this yourself or you have the patience of a saint, it might be best to keep this type at arm’s length.

Look up ‘Meegan’ from Key & Peele for a perfect example!

  • The REALLY “mean” guy.

Second only to the miserably-entitled, this type of guy (girl) is by far one of the absolute worst types to date! This guy is really great on paper! It’s weirdest thing because he likely has lots of friends, gets along well with his family, is respected by his peers and coworkers, and yet can’t seem to muster up a reasonable amount of kindness or consideration for you.

Believe me, I know the type! I can spot them from a mile away. I made an art of dating this type for many, many years. This is the guy who, on the 1st or 2nd date will tell you that your taste in music (or food, or movies, or clothes) is stupid (& no, he isn’t joking). This is the guy who will let you know just how much weight you need to lose in order to be more attractive. This is the guy who says something to hurt your feelings and refuses to apologize because that’s just  “how he speaks to everyone” or that’s just “how he is”. He will not make accommodations for your feelings, he will not adjust his tone, and while he will always claim to emotionally support and encourage you (& he might think he does), he is the FIRST person to tell you when you’re being sensitive, emotional, dumb, bitchy, or too dramatic.

The bottom line is, this type of person always makes you feel bad about who you are. They always manage to find ways to belittle you and will shoot down every attempt you make to stand up for yourself. They always manage to make you the ‘bad guy’ for reacting. After a while, one of 2 things will happen here. You will either be strong enough to decide that someone like that doesn’t deserve the best of you and your time. Or you will begin to believe him (her). You will start to think you are too emotional, sensitive, or crazy. You will try harder to be better and beat yourself up time and time again because you just can’t seem to get it right.

If you remember nothing else from the post today, remember this: should you encounter this^ type, RUN! Run far away and don’t look back. It will be SO MUCH HARDER to pick up the pieces once you are broken. It will be such a challenge to see yourself the way you should. The really mean guy/girl doesn’t deserve it. The shorter that relationship, the better!

Do you have any “nice guys” or “nice girls” in disguise that you think I missed? Let me know! Otherwise, stay strong out there my loves. As the kids say “It’s cold out in these streets” but that does not mean we have to warm up to the first ‘nice guys’ (or girls) that offer us a glass of moderately priced wine, Netflix, and decent chinese. You’re better than that! So much better!

Until Next Week,

Carry On Wifeys.

Love,

Ms. Renai

🙂 ❤

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