Wifey’s & Gentlemen,
Happy New Year! I hope everyone had an amazing holiday season. If I can be honest, I came into 2016 with a little bit of sadness and anger inside of me (just a little, don’t be alarmed). Still, while most “New Year’s Eve” celebrations are supposed to feel conclusive and represent a winding down of the “old” and a clean start of the “new”, for me, this one felt like a whirlwind of unfinished business and the beginnings of new challenges to the same old problems.
But fear not, my wifeys! I do not say this to be negative, or to put a damper on my first post of 2016, but as a reminder that, for some, a New Year will not always mean a “New You”. If you’ve kept up with this blog, you know my feelings on resolutions; I hate them! But, what I don’t hate is the root of their value; the idea that we all want to self-improve and become better versions of the people we are.
I can always get on board with that. 😉
This is why, aside from getting me and my wonderful fiancé down the aisle in November, my biggest focus for the coming year is self-love and becoming a model of genuine positivity for those around me. This means, for example, that instead of saying something like “I’m gonna lose 50 pounds before my wedding” I’m saying, “I’m going to choose to be more aware of and committed to my health in whatever capacity feels good for me”. It means that instead of saying (like last year) that I’m going to find a way to get a million dollars, I’m going to manifest continued financial success that will help me and my family acquire more comfort and freedom in the future (for the record, while I didn’t get a million dollars, my finances have improved significantly, so I can’t complain). More than anything though, it means that I am going to push myself to appreciate me for who I am and where I am in this life, steadily focusing on how I can improve my thoughts about myself and draw the highest amounts of good energy toward me and the people I love.
Since this is (primarily) a relationship blog, as you might have guessed, these concepts of self-love and acceptance are, in my opinion, key ingredients in loving, lasting relationships. So if you’re still torn about New Year Resolutions or worried about flaking on unrealistic expectations, I am here to offer a few suggestions on how we can all commit to being focused on the thing that matters most; love (in all forms).
- Resolve to be you, without fear or hesitation! Whether you are single, dating, married, or have a huge family of 10, one way that we can all begin to improve self-love is to stop fearing disappointment! When we are worried about disappointing others we tend to behave in ‘less than flattering’ ways. We forfeit being who we really are in favor of who we think those around us want us to be. This year, resolve to let go of the fear that you’ll disappoint and focus on being accountable to your own mind and heart. This is especially true in romantic relationships where we might be worried about disappointing our partner. In reality, there will always be moments where we disappoint. Hopefully, these moments are few and far between (and mostly unintentional). However, please remember to never apologize for being who you are and doing what you feel is right. Your partner may disagree or disapprove (this is where communication comes in) but he/she will respect you and inevitably love you more if you are honest with them and yourself.
- Resolve to speak your beautiful mind! I won’t harp on this one too much, but as I am ALWAYS (literally, always) talking about communication in any type of relationship, a great way to build self-love is to commit to speaking up about anything that is on your mind. If you disagree with something, say so! If you have a question, ask it! If you have a great idea or opinion (even an unpopular one), let someone know! Working on communication in all aspects of life can make you a master communicator in your romantic relationships.
- Resolve to make more time! One of the things I really want to make sure I do this year is stay committed to my weekly date nights with my fiancé. Throughout the wedding planning, job stress, and issues with friends and family, it will be so easy to let “we” time slide. I am a better and more complete person when he and I are in sync, and part of loving myself means continuing to do the things that make me feel centered, whole and connected. If you do not have a romantic partner to make time for, this can also apply to your friendships, family members, and (most importantly) YOURSELF! I don’t care who you are, I promise you can always make more time for you. Even something as simple as 1 hour a month where you disconnect from the world to do your most favorite thing is a grand and loving gesture to yourself. Who knows? Maybe you’ll inspire someone else to be more like you? & who doesn’t need that kind of ego boost once and again?
- Resolve to be okay with “NO”! One thing that really bothers me about me is my inability to accept when things do not go as planned. This year, I plan to learn how to accept and appreciate all of the “yes’s” and “no’s” I’ll hear and learn lessons from (most) of them. Whether you are looking for a new job, trying to buy your first house or car, or working up the courage to ask that hottie on a date, please remember that the word “no” isn’t designed to destroy you. It simply means that the next opportunity is waiting for you to find it. When we commit to loving ourselves, we must also commit to loving our failures and short-comings. Loving yourself means being willing to pick yourself up and march on with every single no, even when that no comes from someone you love. In our romantic relationships, we might be surprised when our partner says “no, I don’t like that” or “no, I don’t want to”. We might feel anger or a sense of betrayal, but as I mentioned in my first point, if we are striving to be less afraid of disappointment, we must be confident that we will recover. Embrace the “no” and turn it into a method of learning, growing, and building. *This is easier said than done, I know, but part of resolutions means being okay when we falter, right?
- Resolve to let go! Finally, it is my firm belief that one of the main reasons that our romantic relationships fail, why we lose confidence in ourselves, why friendships fall apart, etc…is because we struggle to let things go when it is time. We hold on too tightly to things that are toxic and get a weird, obsessive tunnel vision. One of my biggest struggles at the end of last year and into this new one has been watching people I love do things that are harmful for them (in my opinion) and having no control over how to best keep them from failure or hurt. Moreover, I hold onto to things that have hurt me and obsess about how I can stop them from happening again. I need to let go of the things I can’t change or control and forgive those who have caused me harm. For others, this might mean letting go of a friendship or relationship that simply isn’t working. It could mean letting go of an unrealistic ideal or expectation. Or, even more simply, it could mean letting go of whatever impossible standards you have designed for yourself and forgiving your past mistakes. Whatever the root. Learning to let go of things that hold us back is a HUGE way to clear out the mental blockage that is preventing you from loving yourself fully; or at least that’s true for me! As a final note: please remember that letting go can also apply to grudges or disagreements, especially with your partner!
To close, I recently read a great quote that said: Someone has said, “the Universe has imagined it even better than you have.” And we like to add to that: The Universe got all of its information about what you like from you, and it has remembered every piece of it as has put it together in perfect formation. And so, the things that are on their way to you are so much better than you even know you want. And as you allow them, the essence all of these things that the Universe knows that you are wanting make their way to you and appear in perfect timing for you.”
Let’s all carry self-love and acceptance with us into this new year. So much good is ahead in 2016.
Until Next Time,
Carry on Wifeys!
Ps. one thing I can promise is to stay on top of my “3 posts a month” commitment. I even have the first few months outlined, so stay tuned for some interesting content! I’m really excited to share!