Wifeys & Gentlemen,
My apologies for the strong language, but I swear to you, this terminology is what the ‘kids’ are using these days to describe the modern-day, millennial version of a loser who isn’t worth your time.
Sometimes, I see these things and I find them to be detrimental to the overall social narrative about how fun and beautiful dating and relationships can be. However, in this case, the research I have done on the increasingly popular term/concept is actually really amusing! So, in true Ms. Renai fashion, I decided to make my own list of qualities that I think make up all the quintessential versions of the “F-Boy”;a list based on observation, my friend’s experiences, my own experiences, and the social climate that we find ourselves in in 2016.
What I find most amusing about this particular type of guy is that he comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of us might be friends with them, some of us might be shocked to find that our husbands, fiancees, and boyfriends have a handful of F-Boy-esq qualities, and more than that…some of us might actually be F-Boys ourselves!
I have come to find that nowadays, we all (women included) carry around a certain level of narcissism and self-absorption that could make us all F-Boys in the eyes of another…even our romantic partners.
*Sidebar*; to my male-identifying, lesbian/bi sexual, or cis-male readers (essentially, anyone dating, involved with, or curious about women), my apologies for only referring to F-Boys in this post, but my research on the lady versions of this creature just wasn’t as rich, and I have yet to encounter a reliable source that I can interview to better understand the similarities and differences between F-Boys and F-Girls. If and when I am able to, I will cater a list specifically to the F-Girls of the world, but for now, I think it’s safe to assume that if you encounter a woman with similar qualities in this list, she’s probably a loser too! Many of the qualities are NOT gender specific! 😉
Now…where were we?
Ah yes! Ahem…
1) He never makes plans with you, but his electro-presence is STRONG (and aggressive/weird)
Does he blow up your snap chat feed or DMs with dick pics? Is this a guy that you only hear from when it’s half past 5? (How great is ‘The Weeknd’, right?) Or maybe he only texts you after he’s had a few drinks? Does he always seem to be “missing you” but whenever you’re free, he doesn’t respond to texts or efforts to make plans (unless they’re nudes or plans for sex).
F-Boys tend to avoid making plans and want to “go with the flow” of their day, taking the best opportunity that comes up in the moment. Maybe the first few times you “hung out” there was food or entertainment involved, but eventually, you find yourself debating whether you’re lonely and/or desperate enough to send those boobie pics he keeps begging you for.
Snap chat will delete it in 5 seconds, right?
WRONG!…don’t do it!
Anyone who thinks you’re good enough to see naked in 5 second increments should think you’re good enough to take to dinner from time to time (& NOT as a contractual obligation or means of exchange) because he actually wants to get to know you and see if you two are compatible (this applies to friendships or FWBs as well). Plus, there seems to be something weird when it comes to these guys are their need for nude pictures. The level of harassment I’ve heard described by friends is enough to make you cringe.
Basically, if you know more about his life because of Facebook/ Instagram stalking than you do because of actual conversations (yes, the speaking kind) then you might be dealing with an F-Boy.
2) He has no sense of balance.
Let me guess; you met him at the club? The bar? A rave? A frat party? Spring break? (omg, do kids still do Spring Break?). He was fun, bought you a LOT of drinks and/or shared his kind-bud (these guys seem to want to get you as drunk and/or high as possible, right?), and showed you a great time.
But now, that seems to be all he does.
Many F-Boys are all about the parties and “good vibes”. Does this guy rarely show up to class and then asks to “borrow” your notes before the big exam? Does he have a job that he is way over qualified for and doesn’t seem to care much about advancing in? Has he expressed irritation whenever you ask about his goals and aspirations? Are his goals and aspirations similar to those of a 4 year old who wants to be Batman when he grows up?
Sounds like you might have an F-Boy on your hands…or at the very least, someone who is lazy and unmotivated to do anything but seek fun and pleasure as often as possible. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always awesome if you can have a good time wherever you go, but responsible people know that there is a time and a place for everything. Like you, the balanced ones likely have an “off” switch that knows when it’s time to get some rest or spend time with family or prepare for that big meeting you have on Monday.
Look for signs that someone is balanced and knows when to get serious and when to be hedonistically free! A guy who wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the timeeeee (please tell me you guys get this one, I can’t be that old!), is likely not going to take you seriously in a relationship.
3) He has no respect for women and is painfully unaware of this fact.
The one thing I’ve learned about “nice guys” is that many of them ain’t all that nice! Hence the “quotations” around the words. If you remember nothing else from this post, please hear me when I say that 9 times out of 10, if a “nice guy” is really a nice guy, he won’t have to say it, you’ll already know. & he’ll continue to be nice without needing constant validation/rewards for his efforts.
*Pro-tip: it won’t be an effort, because he’s just a good person, so the acts of kindness will come as natural to him as watching TV with his pants off!
The standard F-Boy will tell you how nice he is and how much he cares about ‘the ladies’, but please believe, all evidence will point to the contrary. Phrases like:
- Bros before ho’s!
- Pussy, Money, Weed
- She’s ugly, but I’d hit it.
- Make me a sandwich!
- You’re cute when you’re _____ (angry,mad, crying,frustrated)
- Lesbians just haven’t had this D!
- Not all men are _____. (inappropriate mansplaining in response to serious issues)
- I spent $80 bucks on this dinner, the least you can do is give me head.
Are these (& more) all tell-tale signs that your man might not have much respect for the opposite sex.
How does he treat or talk about his mother? Sisters? Does he have girl friends that he isn’t sleeping with (or trying to sleep with)? Does he make jokes about rape? Is he liberal with terms like slut, whore, gold-digger, bitch, etc? Does he believe in the “glass ceiling” or wage gap? When talking about ex girlfriends or lovers, does he ALWAYS say that they were “crazy” or “psycho”? …Is he voting for Donald Trump?
Sigh. Run! Run away and never return.
You might not always see eye to eye on everything when it comes to gender or sexuality issues but having a mutual respect for each other goes a long, long, way in making sure a relationship is healthy for all parties involved. Right?
4) You don’t care for his friends (if you’ve met them), but they all seem to really, really like you. Really. (eew)
The company we keep is a reflection of the people we are. Of course, there are some exceptions, even I have had my share of seedy or unseemly friendships, but for the most part, if we chose to spend time with a certain crowd, it’s because we have things in common with that crowd. If your man’s friends display typical F-Boy behavior, it stands to reason that he might have some of that behavior and mentality lingering deep down inside of him, waiting to spring out!
Again, I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it is very rare that someone would be willing to have a total douche-bag as a bestie if he wasn’t a douche-bag himself.
Not to mention that, often times, one of the BIGGEST signs that you’re dealing with a loser is the fact that his loser friends think it’s okay to hit on, objectify, or oggle you when your guy isn’t around (or worse, when he is!)
Pay attention to the vibes you get from his “crew”. If they are all idiot ass-bags, is your bae really the exception? If so, how does he tolerate hanging out with them? How do they treat him? Be observant if you have the occasion to meet his friends, though some F-Boys won’t even give you the opportunity!
5) He relies on ‘cliches’ or manipulations to get what he wants.
Once upon a time, there lived a young and naive Ms. Renai who was dating the ultimate F-Boy. Though she didn’t know it at the time, he was a lying, cheating, manipulative tub of a thing, who said and did anything he could to keep her attention for more years than she is willing to admit in public (6, it was 6 years).
Anyway, whenever she was going through her “time of the month”, this particular breed of F-Boy filth would try to pressure her into doing sex acts that she just wasn’t in the mood for. Between the cramps, the nausea, the bloating, and the general bad mood, all she wanted to do was eat cake and cry over day time talk shows, but he would always make her feel really guilty. He’d say things like:
“If you really loved me, you would (insert sex act here)”. Or “I thought you were different from the other girls, but I guess not”
Completely ignoring her sensitive emotional state and making her feel like she wasn’t doing enough to show him how much she cared.
If this sounds anything like the guy you’re dating…RUN! (Especially if you live in the Greater Boston area, because you might actually be dating my Ex and dear God, get out now…I’m serious).
F-Boys, for all of their moronic tendencies, are actually really good at manipulating a situation to get their way. Whether it’s using insults as compliments “Are you sure you don’t want to wear make-up?” or “you’d look perfect if you just dropped that extra 15 pounds”, or making you feel crazy when you find out he’s dating other women, his goal is to make you believe that everything bad about your relationship is in your head.
- you have no idea how many women are in his life (does he still have a Tinder account?)
- he is always making comments about other hot girls (usually the ones who look nothing like you).
- he tells you what you want to hear, especially when you catch him in a lie or confront him about something that bothers you
- he often invites you over to “Netflix & Chill” and mentions how much he misses you and can’t wait to hold you, only to send you home in an Uber afterwards because he’s “really busy tomorrow”.
And, perhaps the worst of all, is when you try to have the “talk” about where your relationship is going, he reminds you that he “doesn’t believe in labels” or “isn’t looking for anything serious right now”.
He just wants to have fun. & when you’re crying because you’re certain that he’s lead you to believe that you were dating/that he cared, he will make you think that you are clingy, crazy, or stupid for misreading his signals. He might even apologize for YOUR confusion, and hope that you can “still be friends/hang out whenever”.
Which brings me to my closing point.
6) He makes you feel bad about yourself, all the time.
I know I’ve said this a 100 times, but at some point, even in the healthiest relationship, your partner is going to make you sad, hurt your feelings, or screw something up. However, those moments between you should be few and far between.
If feeling bad, guilty, shamed, crazy, or worthless is something happening on the daily, you are dating a F-Boy (or an abuser) and you need to head for the hills!
Need I say more?
While I know this is a long post (much of which is tongue and cheek), the point remains that if you’re dating an F-Boy (or girl), and you think it’s going to change into something “real”, don’t hold your breath. I will never tell my readers what they should do or how they should act, but I can caution you all to look for the signs and decide how you’d like to move forward.
Remember, you can’t force someone to change or make them into the man/woman they are supposed to be! You can only be responsible for you. If having fun and hooking up with no genuine attachment feels right for you right now, go with it! Bang all the F-Boys with reckless abandon ;-). But if what/who you’re doing isn’t making you feel good, treat yourself with enough kindness and respect to do better!
Until Next Time,
Carry On Wifeys!