*No, not the song!
Wifey’s and Gentlemen,
Even if you like your job, the work-week can be really rough! For me, it means waking up at 4:15am for my workout, eating rabbit food to stay reasonably healthy, spending 9-10 hour days in my office (and sometimes working extra at home once I’m “off”), making time for grad school work, and trying to keep my house/dog/future husband organized and not miserable (haha).
Despite the obvious stress of being a modern girl in a modern age, I actually really enjoy doing most if not all of these things for different reasons. Still, it doesn’t leave much time for myself and (more to the point of today’s post) it doesn’t leave much time for my fiancée and me to enjoy the full value of each other’s company.
With the exception of our weekly “date night”, we don’t get to see each other that much during the week. When I think about it, we spend a couple hours getting ready and commuting to work in the morning (though we don’t really get ready together or talk much & I usually sleep on the train), a few text messages here and there during the work day (he’s usually a lot busier than I am), and then a little less than 2 hours at night when he gets home for dinner and tv (I go to bed before him and we like to watch different things/do different things after work much of the time). Do not misunderstand, this isn’t a complaint, and believe it or not, I don’t hate that our lives are busy and sometimes separate, but I know as we grow in our relationship (marriage, kids, etc), the time we have to just tune the world out and really engage with each other will dwindle down even more. For me, talking to and syncing up with my partner is what keeps me sane. I love to know how he’s doing and what he’s thinking. I love learning new things about him and I love being able to exchange ideas, ask questions, and share thoughts with him too! Isn’t that all part of the adventure?
I guess that’s why it is always so confusing to me when I hear people say that they don’t spend much time really talking to their S/O. I am in no position to judge anyone’s relationship and never would want to, but for me, if you can’t spend hours getting lost in random conversation with your partner then I am not sure how you’re sustaining a long term relationship. One of the best parts of my weekends with the man if my life is the fact that I know that I’ll get to spend a nice chunk of time just talking to him. Sometimes we linger in bed for an extra hour or two on a Sunday morning and chat, sometimes we end up staying in all day on a Saturday and doing nothing but chatting, and sometimes we run out of things to say and sing or laugh at each other instead (yes, we do actually sing) ;-).
I believe there is a real value in getting to know the person you are with, especially if you intend to be together long term. I believe that it is possible to really mean it when you say you’re lover is also your best friend. Most importantly, I believe that talking is how we translate the growth we do as individuals into the growth we do as couples; when your partner knows your heart (what’s in it) and your mind (what’s on it) they can keep up with you, change with you, and anchor you when you become untethered (or maybe I’m the only one who needs that? hehe).
So, in the spirit of celebrating how much I love pillow talk (& the general goofy awesomeness that is my relationship), I thought it might be nice to put out a list of fun questions/topics you might consider bringing up with your partner the next time you’ve got nothing to do at home, are on a long trip/on vacation, having dinner together, or start feeling bored or stuck in a rut.
…and without further preamble, here are…
50 Questions/Topics to Discuss with your Partner:
*Note: I tried to include a good mix between fun, flirty, serious, and heart felt. Remember, this is only a jumping off point; do not feel limited to these topics just because I think they’re great! Also, don’t feel alarmed if you haven’t ever discussed many of these things with your partner, relationships take time to grow and evolve. When it’s time to have a conversation, you will. Keep learning and asking questions! I challenge all of my readers to see if you can discuss all 50 before the end of the year!
- Which actor/actress would you want to play you in the movie of your life?
- Which actor/actress would you want to play me in the movie of your life?
- Do you consider yourself a feminist? Why or why not?
- If you woke up tomorrow and were the opposite gender, what are the first things you’d want to do or try?
- Chocolate or Vanilla? Why?
- What is something you really love about yourself that you wish more people would notice?
- What is something you don’t love about yourself but are actually working to improve?
- What is your dream job? Is this something you actually want to end up doing with your life or is it just a fantasy?
- If you had to be addicted to any substance, which would you choose and why?
- If I let you dress me for our next date, what outfit would you choose?
- Are you a democrat or republican? Neither? What are your thoughts on the “two party” system in the United States? Is this something you see changing in the future?
- What are your top 5 reasons for supporting/hating our presidential candidates? Do you plan to vote in this election?
- If you could be famous, what would it be for?
- What are your best and worst physical features?
- If I were to ask your best friend or close family member to describe you, what would they say?
- Cool whip or whipped cream? Why?
- Do you want to have children someday? Why or why not? How many?
- Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Why?
- Leggings or yoga pants?
- If I handed you $500 right now, what do you think you’d do with it?
- Would you rather live in the nicest house in a decent neighborhood, or the cheapest house in a rich neighborhood?
- Do you think you’re a good kisser? Why?
- Do you think you’re good in bed? Why? Do you have a go to move?
- Do black lives matter? Are some lives more valuable than others? (Interpret this however you’d like)
- Do you think animals experience emotions? If so, is it in the same way that humans do? If not, how do you think they experience the world and what determines their behavior?
- Would you consider yourself to be an emotional person? Why or why not? Do you think there is value in being one-way over the other?
- What are the pros and cons of colonization? Do you think we will one day colonize other planets?
- Do you think there will ever be a time where “isms” aren’t as prevalent anymore? An age where racism, sexism, heterosexism, etc isn’t really an issue?
- Jealousy: healthy or harmful? Tell me a story of a time when you were your most jealous. Do you find jealousy attractive or sexy? Why or why not?
- Do you think there will ever be a time where we lose control of technology? (ie: robot takeover)
- If you could make a plan for the world and its progress, what would it look like in 25 years?
- Nature or nurture? Why?
- Do you believe in hell? If so, what is it? If no, why not?
- Are humans better at creation or destruction?
- What is love? How do you define it?
- Have you ever been in love?
- In your opinion, what is a life worth to you? Does your answer change if we aren’t talking about humans?
- What do you think dogs dream about?
- If you could change the ending of any popular movie, what movie would you want to change and how would you do it?
- Game: Tell me the lyrics to your favorite song as if it is a story you’re telling. For example, if I say: “so a girl walked into the club with a scandalous dress on and a devilish look in her eyes. She really liked to dance at hip hop clubs but she wasn’t only into urban stuff, she also liked pop music too. Let me tell yah, she had dumps like a truck and thighs like whaaaat? I asked her, respectfully, to start to move her butt and then, because she was consenting and responsive, I asked her to show me her thong panties” & let’s see if I can guess the song (maybe don’t be this obvious about it though).
- Game: translate popular hip-hop lyrics into Shakespearian dialogue (there is a twitter account that does this and my fiancée and I love it!)
- If you could choose, how would you like to die?
- Do you believe that the human condition is best explained through psychology, biology, philosophy, or the divine? Why?
- What was the absolutely lowest point in your life? How did you find your way back to where you are now? Do you still feel like you’re working through it?
- Have you peaked? (Interpret that however you want)
- What is holding you back from being the person you want to be?
- In your opinion, what is the saddest thing that is happening in the world right now? What is the most positive or uplifting?
- Do you believe you will live long enough to see cures for major diseases like cancer, aids, diabetes, etc?
- Do opposites really attract? Why or why not?
- Are you living or just existing? Be honest & provide examples.
If you guys find this useful, I’ll be sure to create more lists of this type in the future! The possibilities are endless! What are some of your favorite topics to discuss with your partner? Feel free to let me know in the comments!
Until Next Time,
Carry On Wifeys!