Wifeys & Gentlemen,
Okay, I get it. Hot girl summer is almost over and you’re panicking.
Maybe your ex is sliding into your DMs again with that familiar “hey big head, I miss you” text?
Maybe your sexy summer fling is going back to their hometown and you’re already starting to feel lonely & unlovable?
Or worse… maybe you thought everything was going fine with you and your partner only be hurtfully blindsided by them dumping you abruptly or leaving you for someone else?
I know what you might be thinking…it’s August, after all. Soon the summer will be over and cuffing season will be back in full swing.
What if your ex really does miss you? What if they really are the ONE and you’re turning your back on true love? Sure, they lied. Sure, they cheated. Sure, the went to Las Vegas and made out with your former best friend. Everyone makes mistakes and they wouldn’t come back if they didn’t realize the error of their ways.
👏🏾 LET 👏🏾 ME 👏🏾 STOP 👏🏾 YOU👏🏾 THERE. Before you embarrass yourself with all those lies you’re trying to tell me, hear me out.
I’m 93% sure your ex is actual garbage!
(SEE PHOTO BELOW)
Before you go and willingly get your dumbass-heart shattered again, try this exercise first. Seriously, take out a pen and some paper or find a place in your phone for taking notes and ask yourself these key questions:
- Why did we break up in the first place?
This should be an easy one. Remember why you broke up? Was it because of cheating? Did they hurt you in some way? Did they lie or violate your emotional boundaries and personal safety? Was it a particular quality or personality flaw? Did you decide to break up with them because of your own limitations or a need to step back? Have you healed from this breakup? Have you moved on enough to truly forgive them (or yourself) and put it behind you?
- What did I learn from this relationship the last time?
Be honest; what did this relationship teach you? What did you learn about yourself and the kind of person you want to be with? Is your ex now going to be that person?
- What did THEY learn from our relationship last time?
Did your ex learn anything about themselves from your relationship? Have they given any thought to the kind of person they need in their life? Is that person really YOU?
- Have they taken actions to show what they’ve learned and what they plan to do differently this time around? Have You?
This is so important. Sure, your ex can TELL you that they’ve changed and are going to be better, but what have they DONE to SHOW you that things are really going to be different? What have you done to show them?
- Can I trust them?
Breakups are usually the result of a loss of trust. Even if no one cheated, breaking up with someone means that one or both of you lost faith in the idea that you should be together and keep showing up in your relationship. It can be hard to trust someone after that. Can you be in a relationship with this person without questioning their intentions? What are your intentions when deciding to reconnect?
- How will their presence add value to my life?
Even if you’ve had a few other relationships since this one that haven’t exactly worked out, I’d still argue that you were doing just fine without your ex in the picture. What will suddenly be better in your life by taking them back? How will things improve for you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally? Does this person feed your soul? Are they important enough to keep in your tribe?
- 5 years from now, where do I see myself?
Is it with your ex? Is it married with a family? How does this ex fit into your plans and goals for the future?
Please don’t half ass this little assignment, take as long as you need to deeply reflect on and consider each question.
If, after everything, you still feel certain that getting back together with your ex is a good idea, go for it and good luck. Despite my strong personal opinions on getting back together with an ex (all based on my own experiences), I will always advocate doing what feels good and best for YOU. Never let anyone get in the way of what truly makes you happy (within reason, of course).
Plenty of people have broken up and gotten back together, only to come back stronger than before. Plenty of relationships have ended only because the timing was wrong or circumstances didn’t quite align; those couples wanted a second chance and they knew it would be smart to take it!
Listen to your head AND your heart.
Your intuition has a funny way of telling you when something is right and when you should go for it!
It’s also really great at alerting you to the red flags or problem areas.
All jokes and sassy side eyes aside. An ex, 8 times out of 10, is an ex for a GOOD reason. Don’t let anyone try to convince you that your life is somehow incomplete or missing something without them. More than that, don’t let your fear and insecurity convince you of this either!
I love relationships. I want to spend my life helping people find and maintain soul-feeding love in their lives. Don’t block your path to greatness wasting time on those who don’t deserve it. I know all of my wifeys and gents deserve more than sloppy repeats and ain’t-shit redos!
Pssst….If that makes you feel defensive, I’m probably talking to you. I said what I said:
…they are ACTUAL GARBAGE, my love…and you know it. 😉
Just think about it…that’s all I’m saying, ok?. 😉
Until Next Time,
Carry On Wifeys & Gents.
Be a Lamb and tell your friends…