Wifeys & Gentlemen,
Ya’ll know I am trying to be more positive in these streets, right?! 2019 is quickly coming to a close and one of my new “end of year” goals is to be less pessimistic and cynical. As such, to make up for dragging your exes a few weeks ago (I said what I said 😉), I wanted to pass on a few quick tips for anyone out there who is riding this positivity train and trying to forgive their trash-ass significant other for a previous betrayal or indiscretion.
Let’s be honest: there is a shortage of good partners out there. We all have heard it time and time again. Although I struggle with forgiveness, I’d be lying if I said I never took a partner back after they cheated on me or lied to me. It’s a tough spot to be in and since I know many of us are going to do what we want to do, we might as well try to do it right.
- BE HONEST: This one seems obvious but still needs to be said. Come clean & put it all on the table: own up to whatever you did to create this situation and be willing to answer any and all questions that your partner has. There should be no surprises and no secrets anymore.
- EXPRESS YOUR ANGER: Breaches of trust leave mental and emotional scars. Even if the deceit seems minor or insignificant, it can still create anger and tension in a relationship. Find ways to express and release this anger that is not physically or emotionally damaging to either of you. Express your feelings of resentment and hurt in an honest and direct way.
- SHOW COMMITMENT: It’s normal to have second thoughts about your commitment. Both sides will likely wonder if this relationship should continue. It’s okay to think through and even share those thoughts with each other. However, if you decide to re-commit to being together, SHOW UP AND SHOW OUT 👏🏾! Go out of your way to prove you can be trusted again. Go out of your way to be each other’s ‘safe space’.
- LISTEN: Listen more than you talk.
- REFLECT: Reflect individually as often as you reflect together. Communication is so important when trying to move forward and recover, but the conversations we have with ourselves are equally as important. Make sure you always check in with yourself. Be honest with yourself about what’s working and what isn’t.
- SEEK HELP: Know when to seek additional support. Some things are beyond what we can do alone. Counseling has saved countless relationships that were on the brink of destruction.
- KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY: Some things are beyond repair, no matter how much we want them. You know what they say? Sometimes love just isn’t enough. Sometimes no matter how hard we try, a relationship just can’t work. You aren’t a failure if you ultimately couldn’t move forward and forgive your partner.
These are just the tip of the iceberg, of course! However, I’d say it’s a good place to start if you’re feeling stuck on ways to start rebuilding and reconnecting.
Do you have any advice you’d offer a couple struggling to move forward after a breach of trust? Let me know in the comments!
Until Next Time,
Carry on Wifeys & Gents!
Be a lamb and tell your friends…