Wifeys & Gentlemen,
If you listened to this week’s podcast, you heard me and Mr.B rant (just a little) about the inherent dangers of glorifying other couples. In our current social climate, we have a tendency to believe that the grass is greener on the other side. We long to have what other people have, often without knowing the full story.
Of course, I’m guilty of this too! Social media (and media in general) is designed to make us want “more” or “better” than what’s right in front of us.
Today, instead of ranting about fake #CoupleGoals, I’d like to give some examples of real goals that you and your partner should focus on setting in order to build the best, strongest relationship possible.
If you’re new to goal setting as a couple, I’m here to tell you that it’s actually really easy. This weekend, I’ll be going into depth about how to set goals and make sure you’re reaching them!
For now, I think it’s important to first have an idea of what kind of goal you’d like to set; let’s consider this Step 1.
Depending on your relationship, every couple’s goals will be slightly different. Maybe you’ve been together for a while and want to start saving money for an apartment or a new home? Maybe things are just beginning to get serious and you’d like to work on increasing your intimacy and vulnerability with each other? Maybe the road has been a little rocky between you and you’d like to work on better communication?
Whatever the case may be, have a ‘diagnostic’ conversation with your partner where you both can reflect on parts of your relationship that are going well, parts that you’d like work on, and new areas that you’d like to explore.
ProTip: I highly recommend doing this in a place that is comfortable and relaxing for you both. It’s important to feel safe in your space so you’re honest about your thoughts and focused on each other.
Relationship Goals (Examples):
Spend more time together
This is actually a really common goal that many, long-term couples set when they begin to feel a distance growing between them. This isn’t always a bad thing! Maybe you just had a new baby and have been neglecting date nights since he/she was born? Maybe one of you started a new career and have been dedicated to making a great impression at work. It’s never a bad thing to want to spend more time together in whatever capacity works for you both.
Improve your listening/communication skills
Do you sometimes feel like you and your partner aren’t on the same page? Do you find that your arguments don’t have a real resolution? I am of the mindset that even the happiest couples can always find ways to improve their communication skills. It takes real practice to learn how to listen attentively, argue fairly, and communicate clearly. If this is your goal, remember to start small. Try to focus on mastering one skill together before advancing to other ones.
Overcome a Past or Reoccurring Hardship
This is a great goal for couples who might have had a rough time in the recent past and are looking for ways to try to heal, forgive, and move forward. Perhaps you want to focus on rebuilding trust? Maybe one of you has experienced a difficult loss and need better ways to cope? If two people are willing to fight for their relationship, setting a goal that tackles the problem together is a wonderful first step.
Boost Finances or Enhance Your Career
Are you ready to buy a home? Are you trying to save for a wedding or a vacation? Maybe one or both of you are stuck in dead end jobs and you want to expand your career options? These goals are GREAT to set because they often feel like a more tangible “project” that the couple is working on to gain a huge reward. If you both struggle with overspending (like me and my husband) it’s also a wonderful time to learn how to budget and when/where to cut back. You learn a lot about your partner when you set financial goals! If you’re close and up for the challenge, go for it!
Improve Physical Health
Like finances, this one is also like a project that you and your s/o can take on together. Whether you both want to lose weight or just start being more active in your daily lives, there are so many possibilities with this category that can be really fun and allow for creativity. Maybe you’d like to cook meals at home and order less take out? Maybe you want to drink more water or cut back on alcohol? Having great physical health is a great way to show each other that you’re in in for the long haul. You want to be healthy so you live longer and spend more time together!
Implement more “Me Time”
I had to bring it back to our topics from last week! 😉 For couples who still haven’t mastered this balance, consider the goal of more “me time” as a very important one that you and your partner can (surprisingly) work on together. Make a schedule, hold each other accountable, and provide reassurance if either of you begins to feel guilty about taking me time.
Take one to three items from these lists (or come up with your own) and develop some goals from there. Please don’t overwhelm yourself by taking on too much too soon and remember that goals can be both short and long term. Financial goals, for example, usually have a long-term timeline. The same is true for physical or health goals. Communication goals, on the other hand, might only need to be focused on for a short period of time before they become the norm. Any of these goals can be made short or long term.
Remember that it’s up to you. You are your partner are in the driver’s seat and only you two can truly know what you need to be successful.
The fact you’re willing to do the work to keep your relationship healthy and happy says a lot about you and your partner. As such, don’t get locked in to deadlines or stress yourself out if some goals turn out to be harder than others. Love is ever-changing and couples evolve and shift with time.
I’m so excited for part two of this conversation on Sunday! Grab your pen and pad and be sure to meet me back here on Sunday when I break down the steps on how to set (and stick to) your goals as a couple!
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Until next time,
Carry on Wifeys & Gents!
Be a lamb and tell your friends…🐑🐑🐑…
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