Wifeys & Gentlemen,
It can be really hard to know when to walk away from a relationship.
Sometimes we confuse a moment of boredom or restlessness for incompatibility or hardship.
Sometimes it’s a miscommunication or a minor problem that can be easily solved with time and/or reconnection.
And sometimes, it’s deeper than all that; more complicated. We feel like we’ve tried almost everything and we still can’t seem to find a good enough reason to keep going.
Of course, every situation is different and only you can know whether your doubts are troublesome red flags or temporary bumps in the road.
I put together this quick list of some ways you might know it’s time to end things. Yes, a few of these might seem obvious to some, but you might be surprised at the kinds of things we’ve all “stuck it out” for.
Besides, we never judge a fellow queen on their journey to finding love. 😉💁🏾♀️
I’d say it’s probably time to walk away from your relationship if…
1) You’re Subjected to Abuse
Abuse, whether physical or emotional, is always a good reason to let a relationship go. While this is often easier said than done, the sooner you can move on, the better. If you believe that you and your partner need professional help, seek it! I’m not going to say that abusers can’t change or that couples haven’t been able to overcome abusive situations. Still, I urge you to do your best to have a plan for how you might leave if and when it’s time to. Support is key; reach out in any way you (safely) can. Surround yourself with people who remind you of your worth.
2) You/You’re Partner is Cheating
This works in two ways so hear me out. If you have strong evidence that your partner has been unfaithful to you, you are perfectly justified in deciding to walk away. Often we feel a sense of guilt when things like this happen. We question our role in the affair and chip away at our self-esteem. While I’m not saying it’s impossible to own your part in a broken relationship, I am a firm believer that cheating is the responsibility of the cheater. You get to choose whether you forgive and move forward or decide run and never look back.
On the flip side; if you have been having the urge to cheat or have started your own affair, this is definitely a huge sign that you aren’t feeling fulfilled in your relationship and are seeking validation elsewhere. It is possible to work through this, but consider if that is truly what you want.
3) You/You’re Partner have an Addiction
Addiction almost always requires professional help and I admire couples who can stay together while fighting those kind of skeletons in their closet. However, people (women especially) need to normalize not sticking around when their partner or spouse is spiraling out of control with drug, alcohol, gambling, or sex addictions.
Look, it isn’t easy to explain but IYKYK 🤷🏾♀️.
These types of problems can be a lot to handle and it is unfair of you to own or accept responsibility for someone else’s behaviors, behaviors that you did not choose.
If you’re the one with the addiction, remember that we must love others in the same way we love ourselves (within reason). Are you what is holding your partner back from living their best life?
4) You Fear Being “Alone”
I think we all worry about dying alone at some point in our lives. The kicker is that it is hardly ever true. Even those of us who remain single are rarely, truly alone.
I remember a time in my life where I was dating someone I really didn’t like because I was scared that being too picky would mean I’d end up by myself.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever talked yourself out of having standards because you’re 28 and your biological clock is ticking?
No? Just me…?
Look at the person next to you; do you love them? Do you even like them? Do you see a real future with them? Do you want to go on another date or spend another night with them? Are too attracted to them? Are you choosing them? Are you treating them well? Treating yourself well?
If you’re sticking around because you have somehow convinced yourself that any choice is better than being alone, you’re wrong.
I promise, you are so wrong.
5) You Are Consistently Unhappy
In my lifetime, many couples that I’ve watched unravel (personal experiences included) didn’t even realize how unhappy they were until they had the courage to walk away.
For example, one of my dear friends was having daily panic attacks in the final stages of her ending, toxic relationship.
Moving out of their mutual apartment was physically relieving for her; tension lightened in her shoulders and brightness came back into her eyes, almost immediately.
Take some time to ask yourself if you’re happy in your relationship; really reflect and challenge yourself on this! If the answer is no, ask yourself these problems are ones you want to fix? If so, figure out what you can do as a couple to restore your sense of happiness and fulfillment together. If not, think about walking away.
Discover for yourself what it is you have to lose.
Don’t forget that sometimes, even good relationships end. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 100x… breaking up doesn’t always mean that someone is “bad” or “wrong”. Sometimes two great people just aren’t right for each other.
Let me know in the comments if you agree with my list! What are some of your dealbreakers when considering ending a relationship?
I know this is late but I still made it!!!!! Day 2 of the post-a-thon is done! ❤
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
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