Wifeys & Gentlemen,
I will keep this short because it is late and I am exhausted, but I wanted to apologize for being ghosty 👻 this past week.
I hate to make excuses, but life has been a real whirlwind lately and I can’t seem to catch my breath.
When I posted to my Instagram on Sunday, it was with every intention of having my March/April gratitude video edited and uploaded for you all to watch! However, an unexpected and extremely saddening death in my friend circle shocked me shortly after posting; since then I feel like I have been on pause.
While this person wasn’t especially close to me in the most obvious ways, he was very close to my friend. I enjoyed his company on a few really fun occasions and I know how much she cared for him, how much he meant to her.
I have been struggling with my own thoughts and feelings these days.
Death has a painfully obvious and melodramatic way of making us all reflect on our personal lives and choices, doesn’t it? While I have experienced losses of my own in the past, watching someone you love hurt so deeply is an almost equally difficult and emotional experience.
I have never thought I was very good at handling grief. I always feel like everything I say and do is somehow wrong, annoying, or too clichè.
Then I remember that no one ever thinks they’re “good” at grieving or supporting someone who has suffered a tremendous loss. We all stumble and we all feel awkward and somewhere deep down we all just want the person/people we love to feel better again.
I am learning that there is no simple phrase or magic formula that can take my loved one’s pain away. I am learning that the only way out is understanding that there is no way out.
Facing loss never gets any easier.
Maybe what we can hope for is that, overtime, we’ll grow a little wiser? We will learn to accept it; we will learn how to cope with the things we cannot change.
I know that this death isn’t about me; I don’t want this blog to make it seem that way.
I also know that some of the stress and overwhelm I am feeling was there before any of this happened.
I just needed to come here and share my head with you all. This space is catharsis for me. It is therapy in between my bi-weekly sessions :).
I have a lot of pre-recorded videos and a few podcasts that are waiting for editing and exportation. I have more than a few articles outlined and ready to be written.
What I do not have is the motivation or wherewithal to touch it.
But I love you all, and you know I won’t leave you hanging for much longer.
A few more days to slow down and breathe, ok?
Thank you all for letting me be me.
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
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