“Falling in love is like jumping off of a cliff into beautiful blue water. Being in love is like crossing that water in a paddle boat; long hours, hard work, frustration, but totally worth the effort if you both can work together. ” — Dr. Phil
This quote, at the end of a recent episode of The Dr. Phil show, really resonated with me this week. I found myself asking, having been in love a time or two before, is this really what love is like?
Most of the time we operate under the perception that we cannot put love into words. This grand, often elusive emotion is so beautiful and complicated that our tiny human brains (in the grand scheme, our brains ain’t so big people, look it up! hehe) cannot find the words to describe the way it feels to fall and the way it feels to be.
Of course, being the naturally argumentative person that I am, I felt compelled to challenge this definition. If this is the way we are looking at love, maybe this is the reason why people are so afraid of it? Don’t get me wrong, the good daytime doctor has a point. How often do our relationships go sour because we give into the rush and infatuation of the fall without wanting to put in the work for the long term?
I think the thing that didn’t settle with me circles somewhere around this notion: Is being in love really any less exciting, fun, exhilarating, and emotional as falling in love ? If so, why? Why do we have to be so serious and demanding with the part that is supposed to be the most fulfilling?
Are we turning into a society of pre-commitment-hungry-idiots?
I hope not…or this blog writing thing just got a whole lot harder my friends!
Still, while I have my own ideas and analogies about what it feels like to fall in love vs what it feels like to be in love, my opinions are now colored by Dr. Phil and the now overwhelming concern that I’m losing 90% of you to the plague of commitment phobia. Any phrasing that I could come up with would be overly cautious, planned, and somewhat defiant. If I know myself (which is debatable depending on the day!), I would want to come up with an expertly crafted response that would put Dr.Phil’s theories to shame!
With no real resolution left, I did the only logical thing a girl can do; I asked my friends! Here’s what I got…in no particular order:
Falling in love is like planning a vacation of a lifetime, being in love is like being on that vacation….
I wouldn’t really know but I think it would be something like that! -SH
Falling in love is like jumping out of a plane. Being in love is like having someone catch you. – XT
Falling in love is like being served the richest, most decadent meal of your life …. being in love is like having that meal every day and never worrying about getting fat. -RC
Falling in love is like hearing your new favorite song for the first time. Being in love is like still enjoying the song despite how many times you’ve heard it, how many people are annoyed of it, and how many years have gone by since it first tickled your ears. – CB
Falling in love is like signing a lease on your first great apartment. Being in love is like going home. -ML
Falling in love is like enjoying your favorite meal . Being in love is still enjoying the leftovers the next day! -SS
Falling in love is like the anticipation you feel before you open a bunch of unexpected presents. Being in love is never having those presents wear out or get old.- EC
I gotta say, I loved reading these! & I keep reading them all over and over again (I swear, I didn’t write a single one!). It was inspiring, hopeful, and helped give me some context for my questions. Maybe people are favoring the fall because they don’t know how to go about finding that perfect one that will make them wanna stand still for a while?
…Duh! That’s easy! We can deal with that!
So…now what? Maybe at this point you’re thinking “Okay, lady! I’ve read two of these damn posts already and you still haven’t told me how to find “the one” or given me any advice about what I’m doing wrong.” Well…to you, naysayer, I reply Sorry! I’m sorry because that’s never going to happen, at least not in the most literal sense. However, if you’ll have me, I can promise that my NEXT FOUR POSTS as a part of my End of Summer Dating series will provide some not-s0-objective reviews and results on different “modern” methods people use to “date”…yes, I put quotes around these words, you’ll see why soon enough.
I am a firm believer in understanding the processes before planning the execution! & this dating game has become quite the process!
Until next time…carry on wifeys (and take the poll for some added fun!)