Missing.

missing

Wifeys and Gentlemen,

I am officially the worst person ever. I suppose I could come up with a bunch of dodgey excuses here; I’ve been so busy with work, school is just really overwhelming right now, there’s been a death in the family, my time was spread too thin…& yes, all of it would be true. But if you know me (which not a lot of you do yet unless we’ve met personally since I’m slackin on this blog), no matter what is happening in my life, when I want to do something, it happens.

It’s actually one of the top 10 things about myself that I really really love.

((& yes, I have a top 10 list, don’t you? No? Well…we’ll talk about that later!))

I can “lock in” with the best of them. When I want something done or when I need a task completed, I cling to it. I obsess over it. I become it (ha!). I take it on until I feel the satisfaction of completion; heaven help you if, for whatever reason or another, you (either “you” the person or “you” the task in this case) aren’t on that master “To Do” list of tasks that Kyndal Renai (that’s me) just NEEDS to complete.

On the flip side, it can also be one of my worst qualities. Sometimes, I over dedicate, sometimes I do too much, and sometimes (like now) I let really good things fall by the wayside only to selfishly hope that, when I’m ready, that thing/person/task/place/etc will be patiently waiting for me with open arms.

& so to the people who have actually be reading this blog, to those of you who have expressed excitement and engaged me in this dialogue, encouraged me in this process of developing:

😦 I am SO SORRY! 😦

If there is one thing I have learned about myself as this year is coming to a close (whaaat?!), it’s that THIS is what I need. This blog, this outlet, these moments in time where I can be myself and speak on things I know (at least a little) something about, are what keep me sane.

This isn’t a personal blog (technically) but if I may, for a moment, express, by way of an apology and a little indulgent ‘scape-goating’, that my world has been so scattered as of late. For a time, even logging onto to this website felt like a chore. My creative and witty synapses just weren’t firing in the same way they were a few months ago. I was tired. I was (needlessly) burdened. & I got careless.

But here I am. After deciding to come back 2 weeks ago…and then putting myself off until today (where I almost put if off again), here I am. Back where I belong and ready to recommit myself to one of the handful of things that, in my scattered and chaotic world, makes perfect sense to me.

…I hope that by this point, just shy of 500 words into this post, you see where I am going with this. This 3 month ‘hiatus’, this cathartic confession, is a lot like…you guessed it…a RELATIONSHIP! (or at least a type of relationship stage that is worth mentioning here).

*side note: don’t be annoyed and roll your eyes! You knew it was coming!!! I had to tie it all in somehow! Cmon! Right?…I mean, right?*

Wifeys…in the world of dating and our respective journeys to find ‘the one’, haven’t we all had that one guy or girl who, despite being really good for us and our self esteems, we just let drop off? Do you remember them? Fondly? Come on, you know the one I’m talking about; you went on a few really nice dates. They’ve sent goofy text messages that made you smile when you were feeling crappy. You asked them to hang out with your friends a few times and it went really well, some of your friends might even say “hey whatever happened to (insert name here)” and you smile awkwardly. They’re so cute/smart/funny/sweet/caring/enjoyable and somehow, through all that, easy to forget.

Before long, they send a text and even though you laughed, you forgot to respond. They extend an invite for lunch and you’d like to go, but you just can’t seem to make the time. Soon, hearing from them once a week turns into, less. Dramatically less! Like, “he occasionally likes my status on Facebook or pics Instagram but never actually comments on my shit” kind of less.

& when you’re lonely and crying and pathetic and feeling alone, somewhere in the far reaches of your mind, they never fall to far behind you. Is it too late to call? The next time you get drunk, will you text them?

This blog, for me, is that person. & I foolishly waited 3 months to see if the spark is still there.

How long will you wait? Hmm…?

…feel free to send a quick ‘welcome back: Kyndal Renai’ comment if you feel the need! & (as if I never left) be on the look out for my weekly post this Friday 11/21.

Carry on wifeys. I’ve missed you all!!! 🙂 ❤

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