Wifeys and Gentlemen, it’s Christmas Eve! This will be my last post in the year 2014, and that is tripping me out! Where did all the time go?
As I mentioned last week, we are in the midst of my favorite holiday, and as such, it has been a tiny bit harder to think about the important, holiday related, relationship issues that are plaguing us all from fall through winter.
…well thank God for good friends and crazy articles circulating the internet (Thanks, Jezebel), because it has recently come to my attention (I’m Chole Sevigny) that the months between October and February are marked by some pretty interesting relationship milestones and pitfalls. Apparently, tis the season for Cuffing, Infidelity, Break-Ups, and Engagements!
Okay, now let’s talk about why!
For anyone who is not aware, cuffing is a newly made up slang word (oh, millennials) that describes the period of fall through winter where otherwise promiscuous, actively-single people abandon their usual behaviors in pursuit of a committed relationship. It would seem that the cold weather, in combination with loneliness and increased indoor activity, makes singles feel sad and desperate to have someone to cuddle and love-on in the downtime.
As weird as it sounds, there is some actual evidence to back this up:
“[Cuffing season] has happened in our evolutionary history every time the days get darker,” said Dr. Wendy Walsh, a clinical psychologist who specializes in the psychology of love, sex and gender roles. “We’re walking around in DNA that’s hundred of thousands of years old. In our anthropological past, there was less food and resources [available], and hunter-gatherers’ survival happened better if you were in a pack, if you were coupled up … [This] increased survival of any offspring that came out of it.”
A part of me wants to believe that we are better than this, but it would seem that cuffing is disappointingly accurate for this time of year. Wifeys please watch out! If that guy/girl that you met seems too good to be true, if the one who never responds to your texts or didn’t call you after you hooked up last summer is suddenly blowing up your phone, you MIGHT have a cuffer!
Do you want to be cuffed? Great, carry on! But if you’re looking for the real deal, try to be a bit more discerning in these times (refer to the rules of dating). Keep in mind that while this isn’t always true, “Mr. Perfect” might be acting out of winter desperation and the results could prove to be as ugly as that sweater you wore to your office holiday party! Yikes!
A friend of mine told me (she’s been married twice) that this is NOT an old wives tale. There is something about the winter months that make some of us feel bored and crave attention from others. Some chalk this up to the chemical changes that occur from an acute drop in sun exposure, but I don’t think I’m convinced!
Cheating is a choice. Unless you have a severe psychological or physiological issue, you do not HAVE to sleep with or be sexual with anyone you do not wish to engage.
I know, especially if you have been seeing someone long term, that it is easy to feel unattractive, bored, or neglected (I’m don’t feel this way now, but I have in the past). It’s tough when you are with the same person and you question your value to others.
Wifeys, let me be the first to say that there is nothing wrong with being curious! If an attractive man catches your eye and offers to buy you a drink, take it! If you get a welcomed compliment from the lady at Starbucks and do a little flirty eye batting, that’s fine! But there is a line between wanting to know if you “still got it” and being a hurtful and deceitful person.
Don’t be a cheater! You owe it to your man/lady to break up if you feel like you can’t be faithful. Which leads me to point number 3.
In the midst of the cuffers and the cheaters, it is also apparent that long term relationships suffer the dreaded ax at an all time high during the fall and winter. Frankly, this is something that I do not understand. Maybe it’s all the cheating caused by the cuffers who swoop in and steal our lovers?!
On the one end, you have all of these people who feel like winter is for lovers; the cuffers want to find their “boo” and keep them until spring. On the other hand, here we have those people who seem to believe that winter is a time to be single. Do these people want to avoid spending money on holiday gifts? Are all of the indoor activities making them realize how much they hate being alone with their partner? Haha, I laugh, but seriously, I am curious!
I found this interesting article for your reference (Thanks again, Jezebel). It’s weird, but kind of funny and puts an interesting spin on ‘What To Do’ when trying to survive the season.
In all seriousness, if you experience a break up this time of year, try not to blame the weather. While we have all experienced seemingly “out of nowhere” heartbreak, most relationships end because they weren’t working. Once you have some time and distance, you might be able to see where you were unhappy and where your life can improve from here.
I always like to think that failed relationships have something to teach us. It doesn’t help in the moment, but the lessons will be extremely valuable when you enter into a new relationship with someone else! Right? Cheer up, and have another Christmas cookie!
Finally, as we all know, December, January, and February are the most popular months for engagements.
Wifeys, if you fall into this category, congratulations! Get excited & enjoy your time! However, there is no rule book or script that says that this is the ONLY time that these things can and will happen. Please do not be heartbroken or disappointed if your proposal doesn’t come under the tree tomorrow morning. Some men (& women) prefer to avoid the cliches, and that is a good thing!
Don’t get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with a Christmas proposal, or a proposal on NYE or even one on Valentine’s Day; however, there is also nothing wrong with a random Tuesday in June or a Sunday night at home in August.
These things happen when we are most ready and best prepared! Breathe. If you are happy and secure with the one you’re with, the rest will surely follow, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not even for another year, but I promise you, it will. Let the holidays be just that, the holidays & try to focus on building something good with your partner.
Wifeys and Gentlemen, I want to leave you with this one final thought: BE PATIENT!
No matter what lies ahead in this winter season: cuffing, cheating, splitting, or fiancé-ing, be patient, be strong, and have a very Happy Holiday!
Next post on 01/02/2015!
Until next time,
Carry on Wifeys!
Ms. Renai 🙂 ❤