Wifey’s & Gentlemen,
When we last spoke, I broke down my humble opinions on Eric, the 3rd runner up on the Bachelorette. While I think most of us can agree that we were never expecting him to pull off the win, I’d like to think that he has a real shot at becoming the next Bachelor and I’d definitely be here for it if and when that happens. He’s handsome, successful and has shown a lot of growth; not to mention that he clearly believes in the process and is willing to ‘put a ring on it’ after a short amount of time (which some might argue is the whole point of the show) .
That, my beautiful readers, is a perfect segue into our next contestant; our 2nd runner up, if you will. Since we’re now way past “spoiler alerts”, I want to dive into what seemed to be one of the bigger, more dramatic upsets in the show’s history: the elimination of Peter, The “Perfect” Guy.
It’s hard to know where to begin. If you watched the show, it’s no secret that Peter was the favorite for the win. From the moment he first appeared on screen, Peter seemed to steal the show! He’s tall, dark, handsome, and had a lot in common with Rachel. Rachel opened up to him pretty quickly, expressing interest within the first few weeks of the show and, from what I gather, viewers were in full support! He was the kind of guy you swoon over and we watched with melting hearts as Peter killed nearly every group date, spoke from the heart, and appeared genuine in his pursuit of a realistic connection with Rachel; a desire to build a future with her, to grow.
So, what went wrong? Where did things go left? On paper, Peter was absolutely perfect for Rachel. They both have the same gap in their front teeth, for goodness sake! But within the final weeks, Peter and Rachel hit a crossroads. Rachel, who said at the very beginning that she was looking for a husband and therefore, a proposal at the show’s finale, had a tough time understanding Peter and his hesitation to ensure an engagement.
On their final night together, Peter and Rachel had a tense and emotional argument. Peter, as previously mentioned, was extremely hesitant to promise Rachel an engagement and Rachel was both hurt and confused by this. It was clear from the tears and hard dialogue that they both were very into each other. If I might be so bold, I truly believe that Rachel had every intention of choosing him in the finale, which is why she took this perceived blow so hard. When it came down to it, I think Peter’s argument was a little something like this:
Rachel, I love you and I can definitely see a real future with you, but I am just not comfortable proposing marriage when we’ve only known each other for 9 weeks. During those 9 weeks, you were also dating and falling for several other men. I need some time to figure “us” out outside of the “Bachelorette bubble”. I want time to date you in a more realistic setting. I know that eventually, I want to get married, but I intend to only do it once and since proposals/engagements are the step before marriage, I take them just as seriously. So, let’s just pump the breaks and take our time to see how we are together when the cameras turn off. Okay?
*Obviously this isn’t exactly what he said word for word, but this is how I interpreted the conversation from his side and it’s my blog so fight me if you don’t like it!
…just kidding. 😉
I admit, before having some time to process and reflect, I was 100% here for Peter and his position (in a lot of ways, I still am, but we’ll get to that later). I wrote our girl off as an idiot for not understanding how AMAZING this perspective was; how logical and genuine Peter was being for not wanting to take such a big step so soon. At the time, I just couldn’t understand her point of view. She seemed almost…desperate to me. Pathetic, even. What kind of woman is so starved for marriage that she’s willing to accept an absolute cluster f*ck of a man (who’s willing to marry her) over the kind, gentle, and *ahem* COMPATIBLE soul that was Peter?!
But then, something happened, fam; I remembered my past.
I remembered my friends’ past relationships. I remembered all of times we’d been in situations where promises were made that got broken. I remembered when we fell hard for the guy who seemed so perfect on the outside, but could never just take the leap or had to be dragged through the relationship kicking and screaming; the ones who always had a reason why now wasn’t a good time or always wanted to wait and see. I remembered not feeling good enough for the person I was with. I remembered the way it felt knowing that I was on someone’s “back burner”; the girl that you might marry when you’re 100% sure there’s nothing else out there, nothing else better.
Wifey’s lets be real.
Although we might have assumed that Rachel’s position was pure craziness, maybe she was feeling like this:
Peter, I love you and I want it to be you and me at the end of this thing. I’ve known for a while now that this is real and its something I want. I thought you felt the same way. This show is called “The Bachelorette” & I said from the start that I am looking for the man that will be my husband. I need to know that if I choose you, that’s what you want as well. I hear you and I promise, I take marriage very seriously as well. I only want to do it once. However, I just don’t think that getting engaged means we have to get married tomorrow or even a year from now. I am fine with taking our time, but I am NOT looking for a boyfriend. I am NOT looking for a “wait and see” or “maybe” kind of thing. I’m looking for someone who knows that he wants me and knows that someday down the line, we’ll be planning our wedding. I need that guarantee and the fact that you can’t give it to me is scary and hurtful. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe you and I aren’t as perfect as I thought?
My loves, I can promise you that as sure as I am sitting here, there will be a time in your life when you will meet someone like Peter. He will come to you and he will seem perfect. He will say the right things and do the right things and (if you’re lucky) he’ll actually mean them! But, there will be something that gives you pause. Maybe he’s shaky when it comes to serious commitments? Maybe you’ve discovered that he wants kids and you never wanted to have any? Maybe he keeps little secrets from you or you’ve caught him in little white lies? Maybe some of his values and beliefs are starkly different from your own? When you discover that glaring imperfection, you’ll have to choose: should I stay or should I go?
I think, if Rachel’s other option (Bryan) wasn’t suuuuuuuuch a waste, people would have understood her better. I’ll save my thoughts on Bryan for the next post, but what I will say is, I do believe that Rachel loves him (not as much as Peter but, what can you do?) and I genuinely do not think she saw in him the things viewers, friends, and family saw. I believe she was in the same boat so many of us find ourselves in. Yes, Eric was “The Gamble” but, in many ways, so was Peter. Don’t misunderstand, this does not mean that there is anything wrong with Peter or men like him! I can’t stress that enough. In a lot of ways, I agree with everything he said and I do not believe he meant Rachel any harm or that he was trying to “play” or manipulate her.
At the end of the day, my man signed up for the show and knew all of the parameters. He got to know Rachel and KNEW that she was looking for a serious commitment (i.e.: a proposal) at the end of her journey. Personally, I think he realized at the end that this process wasn’t for him. I think the gravity of his situation caught up with him and he played his hand in a way that was honest and respectful of the relationship he and Rachel had built to that point. Maybe he was just as disappointed to learn that Rachel couldn’t see things from his view? Maybe he had no intention of marrying her at all? Maybe none of the above…
So, I ask you, wifeys and gents: what would you do?
What if it was you?
Would you stick with the guy that you love more than the others even if there is cause to believe that he might not be able to deliver on his promises?
Or do you go for the guy that you love less than the other but is willing to offer you the things that you need? (in this hypothetical, you have to set views on Bryan aside because Rachel doesn’t know that he’s a F-boy and we can assume you wouldn’t know either).
What advice would you give Rachel if she was your homegirl?
Next time, I’ll recap my final thoughts on Bryan “The (not so) Sure Thing” and try to further dissect why Rachel chose him, why America was pressed, and where I think their relationship is going from here.
Have a beautiful Labor Day weekend, my loves! Today (Thursday) is my Friday, so it’ll 4 days of smooth sailing from here. I am so excited to sleep & binge watch some bad TV.
Until Next Time,
Carry on Wifeys!
Ps. Time is running out! If you haven’t caught the Bachelorette finale yet, you can still watch it on ABC and HULU, but it’ll be gone soon, so be quick!