Crash Course: Asking For Space

Wifeys & Gentlemen, 

Now that you’ve read my last blog, you’re probably ready to get started on implementing “me time” into your routine. Right?

If you didn’t get a chance to read it, no worries! I’ll link it right here. 😉

It is my hope that, for many of you, introducing “me time” into your relationship will be a seamless and easy transition. Still, I understand that this isn’t always the case for everyone, especially if you’ve been in a relationship where “me time” hasn’t ever been the norm. 

Don’t worry!

It can feel awkward or even wrong to ask your partner about having space, but I can promise that (as long as your relationship isn’t abusive or generally toxic), it really doesn’t have to be as daunting as it seems. In fact, I’ll take it one step further and say that, once you get started, you’ll find that it’s an easy conversation for both of you to have.

Of course, you might be worried about coming off too harshly or hurting your significant others feelings, and while I can’t promise that this won’t happen, I do have some tips for how you can approach this subject in a way that respects your partner’s feelings while establishing your boundaries.

Don’t start the conversation with “I love you, but…” 

Psychology tells us that when we start conversations in this manner, our partner will lock in on the “but” part of that statement and ignore the love. You’re essentially setting them up to be offended, even if what you’re about to say isn’t offensive. Something as simple as “I love you, and…” can make a world of difference when starting a potentially uncomfortable conversation. 

“I love you, and I love the time we spend together. As we continue to grow and evolve as a couple, I want to make sure that we both have the space to connect with and get to know ourselves”. 

Explain what “me time” looks like for you. 

Sometimes, our insecurities can get the better of us. This is normal. If your partner is worried that maybe you’re asking for space or alone time because of something they did wrong or because you’re annoyed with or tired of them, make sure they understand what this time means to you and offer some examples of ideas you have for your time. 

“I promise that I am not annoyed with or upset with you. I know our relationship is strong enough that if there was a problem, I can come to you and talk about it. Still, I would like for us to have an hour or so ‘here and there’ where we can spend some time alone, doing things to recharge without interruption or company.”

Listen to and address your partners fears and concerns. Come to an agreement about how to best balance your independence with your coupledom. 

The last thing you want to do is be dismissive of your significant other if they are a little worried or concerned about your request. Even if you think they’re being “silly”, try to meet them where they are and come up with some compromises to make sure everyone is comfortable. Avoid statements like:

            “You’re being paranoid/stupid/ridiculous” 

            “Don’t freak out, it’ll be fine” 

            “You’re going to make me feel smothered” 

Again, even if you feel this way, try to frame the conversation around your own feelings and be gracious to your partner if they react skeptically at first. Once they know you’re on their side and want to work with them, not against them, they’ll likely come around to your ideas and get excited about having some “me time” of their own. 

Remember, while it isn’t wrong to want some space from your partner to explore and connect with your individuality, it’s best to establish a desire for “me time” BEFORE you find that you NEED it. 

Don’t wait until you’re driving each other crazy or on the brink of a fight to ask for space. Don’t wait until you’re having real problems in your relationship to ask for space. Getting into a routine of “me time” before things get tense will make it much safer and easier to take space if and when trouble arises. It will feel much less abrupt and can go a long way in helping you both remain fair, loving, and rational during arguments or rough patches. 

While some of you might not agree (and that’s okay) I always try to advise couples to remember that they are individuals first and couples second. This DOES NOT MEAN that you have the right to be selfish in your relationship or act like you’re single, but it does mean that, in the event that your relationship doesn’t work, you understand that the relationship you build with yourself is forever.

It’s never okay to lose your identity to a relationship. & we’ll have to agree to disagree if you feel otherwise.

Maintaining your individuality not only strengthens the relationship with you have with your partner and yourself, but it also aids in helping to strengthen relationships with others (friends, family, coworkers, etc…). 

Reconnecting with your personal needs and desires will ultimately create a deeper appreciation for the time you spend with your love. Let “me time” remind you of the reasons why you love your partner and why you’re lucky that the two of you can be so committed to each other while also enjoying your personal freedom. 

Thoughts?

Be on the lookout next week for new posts, a podcast, and a brand new video (ooh la la) that’s all about… #COUPLEGOALS!

Please don’t forget to subscribe to the blog so you don’t miss out on anything new! 

Connect with me on social media here:  

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Until next time, 

Carry on wifeys & gents! 

Love, 

Be a lamb and tell your friends…🐑🐑🐑…

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