Wifeys & Gentlemen,
If you’re anything like me, you might wish that life had an “easy” button. Anyone else remember those Staples commercials?
Don’t misunderstand, I am no stranger to hard work and am willing to do what I need to do to achieve my goals. Still, I am a self-proclaimed lazy girl at heart, and I wear that title with a sense of pride.
A lot of people view laziness as a bad thing, and I guess I can understand why. Regardless, I believe that everything can exist with balance. You can be petty and still be a good friend or a good person. You can be vain or selfish and still care about the wellbeing of others. Not everything is black and white, good or bad, right or wrong. You know?
Most dating and advice websites will tell you that laziness and dating don’t mix. More notably, they’ll go so far as to suggest that people (women especially) hate laziness when it comes to relationships.
Ok. Fair enough.
However, I do believe that it is possible to take a more “lazy” approach to your dating life and still find success.
To clarify, when I say lazy, I do not mean that it’s acceptable to be careless or cavalier with someone else’s time. I do not mean that it’s cool to make zero effort when it comes to someone you care about and might want to build something with. I do not mean that it’s okay to make someone else do all the heavy lifting to spend time with you.
Honestly, I just don’t think that dating always has to be so serious and pressure-filled. It’s supposed to be fun and relaxed, especially in the early stages. If I could go back to my younger days, I wish I wouldn’t have tried to be so perfect. It was EXHAUSTING!
Here are some quick tips I can suggest for the lazy girl inside all of us. The one who wants to date and find someone to be with while simply being themselves in the process.
We are tired, we are overworked, and we just want to hit the damn easy button sometimes, ok?!
Don’t Go in Expecting to Feel a “Spark”
There is no greater way to add pressure to a date than to go in expecting to feel fireworks right away. That kind of thing usually takes time. Casual dating is like an audition. You both are trying out for the role of boyfriend or girlfriend and seeing what, if anything, might stick.
Fundamentally, there is nothing wrong with hoping to hit it off with a new person, but relax. Remind yourself that whatever happens happens. Sometimes the WORST first dates lead to amazing relationships. Sometimes the best first dates end in heartbreak. No sense obsessing over a future outcome you can’t control.
In the early dates, it’s better to go with the flow.
Pre-plan Your Outfits
This might seem like the opposite of lazy, but trust me when I say you’ll thank me later! For many of us, part of the struggle with casual dating is that we end up hanging out with multiple people, trying to see if any of them stick around. Instead of having to figure out what to wear for each and every date you have, plan your outfits by date type instead of by person.
I mean, let’s face it, we ALL have our 4-5 “go to” outfits that we wear when trying to be even semi-impressive, right? We might as well commit to a rotation and take the guesswork out of it.
I’d suggest having a go to outfit for: all first dates, outdoor/adventure dates, casual/indoor dates, sexy dates, and one emergency back up. In general, you shouldn’t be worried about overlap. Most people know within 3-5 dates whether or not a relationship is going anywhere.
Use these 5-6 outfits first and stress out about your outfit choices when you’ve found the person you’d like to date exclusively.
Maybe pick out some undies too…just in case 😉
Know Your “Express” Face & Hair
As with the outfits, if you’re someone who isn’t super interested in doing full glam hair and makeup for each date, learn how to cheat your look.
I love makeup, I really do, but sometimes I just can’t be bothered to spend 75 minutes doing all of the steps.
Keep your face clean, drink your water, and find ways to look your best and feel confident without all the fanfare.
I highly recommend: BB Cream, a simple mascara and eyeliner, a lip gloss or lip tint, and a little something to help the skin glow. If even that sounds like too much, feel free to remove anything that seems extra or unnecessary.
The same applies to your hair. Just let it be. If you feel like changing it up, try a ponytail or bust out your curling iron. But no stress! Nothing you’ll have to spend hours on, ok?
Look, at the end of the day, your chosen partner is going to see you completely natural, right? I am not one of those women who believes that wearing a full face of makeup is deceiving in any way, but if you’re feeling lazy about it, just remember that it’s ALWAYS okay to just be yourself.
Choose Dates that Build-in Conversation
I’m not going to lie to you, it’s almost impossible to escape the need to make conversation when dating. But sometimes the type of date can make breaking the ice a little easier.
I’m talking movies, museums, parties, nature walks, etc. Anything that requires you to discuss what you’re experiencing can make early dating convos a little easier.
If all else fails, stick to those reliable “getting to know you” questions and be a good listener for the evening.
Choose Dates that Require Little Conversation
This won’t work every time, of course. But if you’ve gone on a date or two with the same person and just don’t have the energy for talking, try choosing a date where you don’t have to chat much. Dancing, concerts, comedy shows, and amusement parks are all examples of loud events that don’t lend themselves to great conversations.
Still, I warn that this might not be doable, even in these settings. Maybe have a funny joke or two planned for when you run out of things to say?
Never Let Anyone Shame You into Staying Home
People act like “at home” dates are just awful. Sure, they can be, especially if the person planing it is just looking for a way to get into your pants. However, if you’re comfortable with a person and have established the necessary boundaries, it is absolutely okay to decide not to go out.
Personally, I am a homebody! While I do love to get dressed up and go out from time to time, I’m just as happy staying home and watching a good movie.
It is not inherently “lazy” to want to invite someone into your space instead of going out. Cook a meal together, watch a movie, play some games, drink some wine and talk. Going out doesn’t automatically mean you care more or are more considerate. It doesn’t even mean you’re more “fun”. Don’t let the world shame you into being out and about if that isn’t who you really are.
So what do we think? Are you a lazy girl or do you think all dating requires dedicated effort? Do you have some casual dating hacks that you use when you don’t have the energy to be fancy?
Let me know in the comments!
Remember, being lazy doesn’t mean you aren’t giving your best. To me, it means you’re putting all of your energy into being yourself, letting your personality and good qualities shine, and cutting the corners in places where it doesn’t matter as much (appearance, small talk, etc).
Until next time,
Carry on Wifeys & Gents!