Wifeys + Gentlemen,

I know I say this often, but these past couple weeks have been a blurry mess. Between stomach viruses, cancelled plans, financial struggles, and an issue with my medication refills, I am extremely proud of myself for surviving with (some level of) dignity, for as long as I have.

Still, despite those things, my mind has been stuck on the same loop.

Returning the same thoughts and feelings that replay over and over in my head. Whether it’s an old flame, a lost friend, or a departed loved one, the pangs of longing can hit us like a ton of bricks.

I’m saying “us” because I have to believe that I can’t be the only one who spends too much time grieving loss, right? The therapist in me wants to reassure myself that there is no such thing as grieving too long or dwelling too much on the past, but the logical version is hard on myself. She wants us to let go and move on; in and out after a good cry over a potent bottle of red wine.

Since I can’t seem to make the ish stop, I thought the very least I could do was try to remind myself of ways to cope.

Here’s what has been working for me:

1. Feel It to Heal It: Let’s face it, missing someone is a natural part of the human experience. We can’t simply switch off our emotions like a light. Instead, embrace those waves of nostalgia and let yourself feel the full spectrum of emotions. Shed a tear, indulge in a nostalgic playlist, or reminisce over old photos. Give yourself permission to process those feelings because bottling them up won’t make them magically disappear. Fair warning, this is a lot like listening to a song that’s been stuck in your head; sometimes it helps to get it out and sometimes it just makes it worse!
2. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane: Along the same lines as #1, when missing someone overwhelms you, why not spend some time allowing yourself to reflect? Reflecting on the good times can provide a sense of comfort and remind you of the impact those individuals had on your life. No matter how things might have ended, the person you missed added something to you, however brief or temporary. They gave you something that is now worth missing; acknowledge that.
3. Find Solace in Self-Care: Sometimes, missing someone can leave us feeling drained and emotionally vulnerable. This is where self-care steps in. Indulge in activities that bring you joy and provide a much-needed distraction. Take a long bath, treat yourself to a cozy movie night, or find new hobbies that ignite your passions. Remember, taking care of yourself is not only healing but also an act of self-love. Personally, this part is so important for me. Losing people often leaves me questioning myself and my value. I frequently ask myself where I went wrong or what I could have done differently to change the outcome. While this can have impact and value all its own, it can also be destructive to our sense of self. Self-care/love reminds us that our value as a person does not change or diminish.
4. Connect with Your Support System: Please do not forget that it’s essential to lean on the support system that surrounds you. Reach out to your trusted circle (this can include a therapist) who can provide a listening ear and offer guidance. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others can help alleviate the weight of missing someone and remind you that you’re not alone in your feelings. It can also be a good sanity check if you ever start to lose yourself or doubt your worth.
5. Embrace the Lessons: Even if someone we miss was toxic or caused us pain, it’s okay to acknowledge the void they’ve left. Each person we encounter shapes us in some way, and sometimes, even toxic relationships can teach us valuable lessons. Embrace those lessons, honor the growth they’ve sparked within you, and use them as stepping stones to build healthier connections moving forward.

Ya’ll…missing someone is a complex, multifaceted mix of emotions that weaves in and out of our lives. It’s okay to experience moments of overwhelming longing and nostalgia.

All I can say is try to embrace the memories, honor the lessons, and find solace in the understanding that time helps to heal. Allow yourself to process the emotions, practice self-care, and remember that missing someone is a testament to the impact they had on your life, even if they are no longer part of it.

Most importantly, please remember that having to walk away from people you loved, or having people you love walk away from you, does not define who you are as a person. You are still amazing even when you make a mistake. You are still a beacon of love and light even when you hurt someone.

…& you are still a bad bitch even if you let these trifling-ass-thots play in your face and make you look like a damn fool by trying to fuck around on your name behind your back!

(but that message might just be for me this time 😛)

Until next time,

Carry on wifeys + gents!

Love,

P.S. Don’t forget to hit that like button, leave a comment, and subscribe to my blog. Together, we’ll create a community of support, understanding, and growth.

Hit me on my socials, too! 

IG: @becomingwifeyblog

Twitter: @becomingwifeyb

TikTok: @becomingwifeyblog

Youtube: @becomingwifeyblog 

(so basically, becomingwifeyblog on ALL the things, except Twitter…)