Wifeys & Gentlemen,
Even though we hate to admit it, we are all judgmental machines. Although many of us have a better handle on this than others, it can’t be denied. This month, I’d like to focus the blog on you; connecting with yourself, being your best, and embracing your true spirit. One of the biggest parts of doing the work to be content with and in love with YOU, is to check your bad habits.
Judging others (and judging ourselves) is one of the worst habits we can adopt. Sometimes this habit is so deeply ingrained in our nature that we don’t even notice when we’re doing it. Judgement is defined as the comparison between yourself and others. Typically, when we judge someone else, it comes from a place of deep insecurity. When I feel like I am out of control, when I feel those twinges or jealousy, or when I worry that I myself am not ‘enough’, I reach for judgement.
Of course, if you’re looking to start building self-confidence, you can refer to my previous blog (here) to get started! Still, even the most confident people have moments of weakness. Even the most confident people are guilty of judging others. Guess what? It is STILL a symptom of insecurity!
If this sounds like you, don’t fret! As I mentioned, not only are we all guilty of casting judgement, but there are ways to break this cycle and start eliminating this habit from our day to day lives!
Start by making sure you’re getting your 8 cups a day, and then stop worrying about the people around you and focus on yourself!
Oh…& check out these quick tips:
Notice what triggers your judgmental thoughts.
Remember that judging others is often a reflex or knee-jerk reaction. Try to notice when you are being your most judgmental and gain control over your thinking. Does it happen when you’re sad or angry? Are there people in your life that bring out this habit in you? Having emotional intelligence lets us cue into our feelings and better understand why we feel the need to bring others down; it usually happens when we are feeling at our lowest, not our best. I, for example, tend to be most judgmental when I am feeling like a failure or when I am worried about my own capabilities.
Turn your judgment into curiosity.
Be more curious about yourself and your feelings. What about a person’s behavior or actions has upset you or pushed your buttons? When you are able to reflect on your feelings, you can better understand why you want to make yourself feel better in the first place. Honestly, we can never know the REAL reasons why people do what they do. Even if you’re close to the person you’re judging, it’s hard to understand the true motivations behind their actions. Be curious about them as well. Think about why someone might act or react in this manner as you wonder about why it bothers you.
Avoid judging yourself and your feelings & offer yourself compassion.
Sure, judging others is rude and unnecessary, but we are often our own worst critic. One of things I have spent a lot of time working on is judging myself and my feelings. I often feel guilty if I have a mean thought about someone else. I feel like a bad person when I get annoyed with my friends, family, or husband. I sometimes feel like I don’t work hard enough or try hard enough to be a better person. If you do this, remember to be kind to yourself. We all have mean, negative thoughts sometimes. We all have moments where we want to lash out. Don’t beat yourself up and remember you are NOT a terrible person, even when you make a mistake or do a bad thing.
Reframe your judgmental thoughts into something positive.
Some coaches and therapists believe that it is possible to turn a judgmental thought into a positive affirmation. You can reframe your judgment into something positive about someone else AND about yourself. For example, if you find yourself judging someone’s dating habits or behaviors instead of thinking “why does she pick such terrible men? She’s just going to get hurt again” try to reframe this thought into something like “Wow, it’s great how she’s willing to put herself out there for love! She has a big heart and sees the good in people, even when others can’t. I am proud of her and wonder where she gets her strength and optimism from.” Even if you don’t always believe your newly, reframed thought, it is a big step to changing your thinking.
Adopt a mindfulness practice.
Mindfulness is about being in the present moment. It is one of the most beneficial habits we can have, but it can be one of the most difficult to learn. Many of us obsess over the past and worry about the future. We over analyze the mistakes we’ve made; we overthink the actions we’ve taken (or failed to take) and we are scared that we won’t achieve the things we want in the future. Instead of doing that, start practicing how to focus on the here and now. What are you doing now? What are you feeling now? What is happening today? What are you grateful for? Focusing on the present slows down your thinking and reduces the amount of time you spend worrying about what other people are doing.
Expose yourself to new nouns (persons, places, things).
One of the reasons why we judge others is because we don’t understand them. If you don’t have experience walking in another person’s shoes, do your best to learn! Think about the people you judge the most and make more of an effort to learn what that experience is really like! How did they get to this point? What is the chance that this same situation could happen to you? What is it like to deal with this issue? Getting out of your shell is the best way to get used to differences! You are less likely to judge someone else if you have a grasp on the world outside of yourself.
So, what do you think? What do you do when you’re feeling critical or judgmental? Are you harsher on others or on yourself? Let me know in the comments!
…and if all else fails, drink your water and mind your business 😉
Don’t forget to subscribe! Let’s rock April with some healthy, self-love. ❤
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
Be a lamb and tell your friends…that way, they’ll know you aren’t judging them! 😉