Wifeys & Gentlemen,
If 2020 has taught us anything so far, it’s to make sure we are not taking life and its blessings for granted. Collectively, I believe we have experienced so much loss, disappointment, insecurity, and uncertainty that it is more than understandable that many of us have been on auto pilot or stuck in survival mode.
With the hope of things getting back to normal (someday), if you’re anything like me, you might be beginning to think about new goals, new dreams, and new ways that you want to be a better version of you. I believe that one of the ways that we start to do this is by reflecting on the life we’ve built so far and whether our current situation is bringing us joy and fulfillment.
Of course, it is totally fine if you’re not quite ready to get out of your survival or auto-pilot mode just yet. We are not here to judge anyone or the ways they need to cope with hard times. However, if there are some of you out there that are looking within and asking hard questions about yourself and your life, I’d like to be the first to tell you that YES, you really do deserve better.
You deserve stable income, health insurance, good food, and a roof over your head. You deserve to have all your bills paid on time. You deserve to be free from worry about how you’re going to get by from one month to the next. You deserve friends and family who care about you and want you to succeed. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel beautiful/handsome. You deserve a shot at your dreams. You deserve the best of everything. You deserve to be appreciated and well taken care of. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone who values you.
It all starts with YOU.
You get to decide whether you settle for what is or invest in yourself and what you know could be. You must determine what is holding you back and make the choices you need to make to feel better. You must know, deep down, that you deserve better than this.
I’m not sure what “this” is for you, and unfortunately, I don’t have the space to address all the possible ways for you to analyze what needs improvement in your life. However, because this is a relationship blog and I know you guys come here for my hot-takes on love, I’d like to take some time to point out ways that you might be settling for a crappy relationship when you KNOW you deserve a good one.
Of course, romantic relationships are not the be all end all of ANYONE’S life.
(I say that as a happily married woman with a baby on the way).
Relationships cannot and should not define you. Still, as sad as it is to admit, our romantic relationships set the tone for our self-esteem and personal outlook. How can you know what you truly deserve in life if you’re settling for a partner who doesn’t really value you? How can you want better for yourself and your family when you settle for a partner who doesn’t want that for you too?
Here’s some things I’d like you to think about…
Are you accepting of your partner as they are, or are you hoping for change?
Hint: If you find yourself in a relationship because you’re banking on your partner’s potential, if you’re hoping that they’ll be different once you both get more settled (better job, better home, etc), or if you’re telling yourself that they just need a little more time to “grow up”; you’re settling and you deserve better.
Do you and your partner make room for each other in your lives?
Hint: If you realize that your partner is not meeting your needs (or you are hesitant to meet theirs when asked), if you often feel like your desires/dreams come 2nd to theirs, if you can’t rely on them to follow through with their promises, or notice that they make decisions without you; you’re settling and you deserve better.
Do the good times outweigh the bad?
Hint: If the “good times” are intermittent or infrequent, if you find yourself wishing you could get back to the way things used to be, if you’re living in the past, if you walk on eggshells because you’re worried about starting an argument or ruining a nice moment; you’re settling and you deserve better.
Are you both on the same page? Do you share the same relationship goals?
Hint: If your partner hints at wanting marriage, kids, or other important commitments but doesn’t seem to be actively doing anything to move towards those goals, if they say they are going to make changes but never seem to get started, if you feel like your conversations about your future together are all talk; you’re settling and you deserve better.
Why are you with your partner? Who are you when you’re with them?
Hint: Be honest. Do you really believe that the person you’re with is truly the one for you? Do you love this person without conditions or caveats? If they never change or grow up, would that be ok with you? Maybe you’ve been together for a long time and just feel like it’s time to take the next step? Maybe you’ve been in many failed relationships and are worried about another failure? Maybe you’re scared of being alone? Dig deep and ask yourself…
Do I deserve better? Am I the best, happiest version of myself in this relationship? Does my partner bring out the best in me?
Remember that deserving better doesn’t mean that the person you’re with is awful or no good.
Still, just because someone is a good person doesn’t mean they are good for you. Just because someone has made changes or improvements to themselves doesn’t make them good enough for you.
If you’re the type of person who needs a lot of closeness in your relationship, I understand how easy it might be to lower your standards and expectations. Demanding more from ourselves can be hard; it’s one of the most challenging things I have ever done and my work on myself isn’t over.
Your instinct is your best friend. It will always tell you what you need to know.
You know if something or someone is “off”. You know when you can’t trust someone fully. You know when someone’s intentions aren’t in the right place. You know when you aren’t being loved the way you need. You know when you’re being lied to or manipulated. Trust yourself. You know.
Now is the time to test your limitations and push your own boundaries.
There are so many things I know I deserve; so many things I’m ready to go grab and achieve for myself and my family.
If you were waiting for a sign or a message, this is it!
BABY, YOU DESERVE BETTER! ❤
Don’t try to tell me I’m wrong 😉
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
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Photo by Joshua Abner from Pexels