Wifeys & Gentlemen,
As many of you already know, long term relationships are often considered “up and down”. This isn’t to be confused with hard, painful, or dramatic; I don’t think that good, strong relationships have to be any of those things. Still, it’s typical for many couples to go through various cycles throughout their relationship.
In many ways, this is how healthy couples grow and evolve.
You’ll have moments where everything feels completely in sync and natural. You’ll absolutely adore each other and find that you want to spend all of your time together. You’ll likely also have moments where life gets in the way; work, bills, kids, and friends, will all seem to pull you away from each other and you might find that you have to make more of an effort to maintain your intimate connection.
This is not a bad thing.
Relationships are a precarious balance. You teeter between learning to build a life with your partner and still needing to honor and maintain yourself as a separate individual.
Enter the relationship reset.
Listen when I tell you that it is not uncommon for partners to need to take a step back from time to time. This doesn’t mean that you’ve fallen out of love or that your relationship isn’t fantastic overall. Think of it as giving each other some emotional space to work through your individual crap for awhile.
Here are some signs that you might be a strong candidate for a relationship reset:
You get annoyed at and/or fight about small things.
When little things that never seemed to be a problem before suddenly begin to get on your nerves, honestly it isn’t always a cause for concern. Sometimes we’re just in a bad mood or not feeling our best. Sometimes we’re not even aware of the factors effecting our reaction to otherwise normal, day-to-day things.
If things feels like they might be deeper than that, for either of you, it might be time for some space. Little things can turn big and ugly quicker than we’d like to think.
Explore some reset options that allow you both to focus on yourselves for a bit; then, once you’ve had space to recharge alone, try some of the suggestions that help you both appreciate each other and understand each other better.
You have a hard time making plans or decisions.
When you’re with someone long-term, overtime you become very close and begin to rely on each other. I know it often sounds cheesy, but your partner really becomes your best friend. You spend so much time together. You go through so much together. & you build genuine trust in each other.
While this is a wonderful thing to share with your significant other, when you both have a hard time making plans or decisions that don’t involve each other, it could be a clue that you need to make an effort to reconnect with yourselves, independently.
Sure, you should always consult your partner on major life decisions that would impact your relationship/family.
Buuuuuut…if you can’t choose an outfit, apply for a job, have drinks after work, or make separate plans with friends without always involving your partner, a reset might not be the worst idea.
Try focusing some energy on your personal goals and interests. ‘
Remember it’s okay to need, want, and ask for “me” time whenever its needed.
You don’t take interest in each other’s lives.
Monogamy can be challenging.
Sometimes the day-to-day nonsense can wear us down and make us forget what is most important.
There is no shame in having moments where being with your partner seems like being with a stranger. When you have so many shared responsibilities, goals, and plans, living with your soulmate can feel like living with a roommate. Yes, it is possible to drift apart from people we love, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t possible or even highly likely that we’ll find our way back.
If you find that one or both of you just doesn’t seem invested anymore, gage how serious this transition feels. Therapy can be an amazing reset for couples who are really struggling but aren’t ready to call it quits.
If things between you don’t feel as big, try options that focus on ways for you and your love to get to know one another again. Redefine what your relationship means to you and identify your needs, especially if they’ve changed.
If you feel like these things apply to you, don’t panic!
Relationship resets can take on many forms, some requiring more effort than others. Some quick examples include:
- Redefine your goals/plans for the future
- Spend time apart (see friends, family, take some “me” time)
- Invest in a mutual hobby
- Commit to weekly date nights
- Focus on personal interests
- Have “tech free” or “work free” time together
- Celebrate a random milestone together
- Take a trip
- Spend a day in bed together
- Consider therapy
- Adopt a Pet (or make any manageable & significant change)
Have you ever tried a relationship reset? Do you think they can really help? Let me know in the comments!
Please Note: A relationship reset is DIFFERENT from a break. While I don’t exactly believe that resets inevitably lead to breaks, these things are not mutually exclusive! You have to asses where you are in your relationship both honestly and fairly!
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents.
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