Wifeys & Gentlemen,

In light of recent celebrity headlines, I thought it would be a good idea to reintroduce the notion of boundaries.

Regardless of how you feel about Jonah Hill and his actions, I think one of the BIGGEST problems I’ve seen in the discourse is that people are unclear on the definition of a relationship boundary.

Thank GOD you guys have me!

Let me break it down…

Boundaries are like the fences we build around ourselves to protect our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They’re the imaginary lines we draw to communicate our limits and expectations in relationships. Think of them as the “Do Not Cross” tape around a crime scene. They exist to ensure that our personal space and needs are respected.

Essentially, boundaries are about YOU. They are a set of rules you create for yourself that dictate whether you can be safe and compatible with another person.

Boundaries are NOT a list of rules you create for another person. They are NOT tools we should use to control our partner(s) or their behaviors. Boundaries are not a hot buzzword we should use to manipulate others.

When you’re getting to know someone new, it’s crucial to establish boundaries early on. Here’s how you can go about it:

1. Know Thyself: Before diving headfirst into the dating pool, take the time to understand your own needs, values, and deal-breakers. Self-awareness is key to setting boundaries that align with your desires.
2. Communicate with Clarity: Don’t be afraid to express your boundaries directly and honestly. Whether it’s discussing your expectations for physical intimacy or establishing limits on time and availability, clear communication is essential. Remember, you deserve to have your voice heard.
3. Trust Your Gut: If something feels off or uncomfortable, trust your instincts. Pay attention to red flags and be willing to say “no” if a situation doesn’t align with your boundaries. Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into compromising your well-being.

The tricky part? Boundaries can look different to everyone, depending on their perspective, experience, and worldview. Some common examples include:

• Boundaries with exes: what is your comfort level with friendship and communication with ex relationships or hookups?
• Exclusivity: are you okay with seeing other people? what do you consider cheating?
• Family + Friends: when is it okay to introduce each other to family and friends? how comfortable are you with bringing your partner(s) to social situations with people you know?
• Physical boundaries: do you enjoy PDA? Do you like to be touched? How often would you like to have sex?
• Emotional boundaries: are you unable to tolerate yelling during an argument? do you need time/space before resolving conflict? how should we communicate our problems and frustrations?

Notice how NOTHING on this list mentions being able to control aspects of your partner’s life? Telling your boyfriend he is no longer allowed to spend time with his single party friends is NOT an example of a boundary. This is an example of you trying to control your boyfriend out of a place of trauma or insecurity. This is you weaponizing your therapy and healing journey in order to get someone to do what you want.

Believe me when I tell you that there are MAJOR consequences to avoiding establishing boundaries.

Ya’ll know I don’t ever talk ab out shit without some kind of personal experience!

Here are some examples that may or may not be a part of my dating journey!

Scenario 1: ‘The Never-ending Texter‘ — You meet someone online, and they bombard you with a constant stream of messages, day and night. Boundaries? Non-existent. Soon, you’re drowning in a sea of texts, unable to catch your breath. To add insult to injury, this person often accuses you of ignoring or neglecting them. When you try to explain your limited availability, they behave as if they don’t believe you.

The Lesson: Set boundaries around communication frequency and availability. Make sure your partner(s) knows how much time you can give to them on a daily basis.

Scenario 2: ‘Personal Space Invader’ — You go on a few dates with someone who seems great, but they start displaying possessive behavior. Suddenly, they’re trying to go through your phone, are always wanting to know where you’re at, and leave you feeling suffocated.

The Lesson: REMEMBER that healthy relationships respect personal space. Establish boundaries around privacy and individuality. Pay attention to signs of possessive and abusive behavior. This tends to escalate overtime.

Scenario 3: ‘The Sex Friend’ — You start seeing someone casually, and at first things are great! You’ve gone on several dates and have good sexual chemistry. Overtime, it begins to feel like every date is an invitation to their place for a steamy hookup marathon. No effort is being made to get to know you better or spend time outside of the bedroom. You also begin to notice that they don’t communicate with you as often in between hangouts.

The Lesson: If that’s not your cup of tea, it’s time to set boundaries around your comfort level and pace of intimacy. Make sure your partner(s) knows what you’re looking for and how casual/serious you want to be.

Setting boundaries in the dating world is not only necessary, but it’s also an act of self-love and self-respect. Embrace your inner king/goddess and don’t be afraid to draw those lines in the sand. By establishing clear boundaries, you create a framework for healthy, fulfilling connections based on mutual respect and understanding.

Remember, you’re the captain of your own dating ship, and boundaries are the compass that guides you toward the love and happiness you deserve. So, go forth, set your boundaries, and navigate the dating waters with confidence!

Stay empowered!

…and keep those boundaries intact!

Until next time,

Carry on wifeys + gents!

Love,

Remember you are love and you are loved. 

P.S. Don’t forget to hit that like button, leave a comment, and subscribe to my blog. Together, we’ll create a community of support, understanding, and growth.

Hit me on my socials, too! 

IG/Threads: @becomingwifeyblog

Twitter: @becomingwifeyb

TikTok: @becomingwifeyblog

Youtube: @becomingwifeyblog