Wifeys & Gentlemen,
It has been too damn long, people! How are we doing?
I have missed you all so much and I am so excited to be back on the blog and ready to kick off 2022.
I know we’re sick of hearing and talking about it, but now that we are about 2 years into this pandemic, I confess that I am really struggling.
As a self-proclaimed, introverted-extrovert, I admit that there are parts of this whole deal that have really helped me out. I like being a homebody and I trust that the people I love are safe and well taken care of.
Still, it’s getting stressful.
Sometimes it’s hard to find the motivation to get up and go.
I am always nervous about everything.
I often feel so tired, lazy, and unproductive that it depresses me.
I am anxious, sad, exhausted, worried, and overwhelmed much of the time.
And despite all of this, somehow, I am still expected to expertly manage my day to day life.
I am still required to thrive and reach my goals; often feeling guilty for having so much “free time” and failing to write a novel, start a business, and lose stubborn 20 pounds!
For anyone who might be carrying a similar load, know that I see you! There is no shame in this. We are in survival mode and many of us will never be “okay” again. We will find a new normal because the old ways of doing things just don’t feel ”right” anymore.
It is no secret that we struggle with anxiety and depression in this house! While I think we’ve been doing a decent job of keeping ourselves mentally sound during this time, it isn’t easy.
While I don’t believe in resolutions, one of the things I really want to grow in this year is vulnerability. I want you guys to know more about me and who I am. I want to show more of the “real” me to my husband, my friends, and my family.
This means getting serious and being accountable for my own mental health and happiness.
I am going to let you guys in on a secret…
It is possible to focus on and prioritize your own mental health and healing while being in a stable relationship!
I was shocked when I found out that I could still be a great wife, daughter, friend, and mother and put myself first.
In fact, studies have shown that improvements in mental health are often directly related to improvements in our interpersonal relationships. This includes communication, trust, healthy boundary setting, and even intimacy.
I know that, for many of us, doing the work to overcome trauma and address our emotional load isn’t as simple as it sounds. Whether you can’t financially afford care or just aren’t ready to take that next step, it’s still possible to find ways to work on yourself while also honoring where you are, right now.
Here are my quick suggestions that can help you get started, today:
Practice healthy communication and boundary setting.
It can be really hard to open up to your partner about whatever is on your mind. Even harder? Establishing boundaries and respecting each other when you disagree or come against something tough.
The good news is that practice makes perfect!
Start small and take your time.
Try to enjoy the growth that you’ll experience as a couple, getting to know each other better and learning how to best love each other.
Get comfortable with “me” time.
I have written about this before, but I am a huge advocate for every couple having independence.
Whether these are via separate hobbies, taking solo time, or creating a personal space to decompress, it is remarkable how much “me” time can reprogram your mind.
Spending time getting to know yourself and your needs is invaluable to healing.
Monitor your intrusive thoughts and/or negative self-talk
I am the WORST when it comes to this.
All I can ask of myself right now is to notice what triggers these emotions and do my best to counterbalance what’s going on in my mind.
For every weird, intrusive thought or self-deprecation, I remember what is good.
I give myself grace when I need it and do my best not to judge my feelings when they pop up.
Learn your love language
Yes, YOU have a self-love language, too. Learn how to love yourself better by speaking your love language to yourself every single day.
Are words of affirmation your thing?
Great! Give yourself verbal compliments, write yourself positive reminders, or start a happiness/gratitude journal.
Acts of Service?
Get yourself a mani/pedi. Change your sheets and wash your comforter. Do a long, relaxing skincare routine. Buy yourself a massage gun. Deep clean your refrigerator.
Do things that will benefit you and improve an aspect of your life.
Investigate support alternatives outside of traditional therapy
1:1 therapy isn’t for everyone.
Have you considered online support communities? Group therapy options? Online therapy? Anonymous helplines?
Some people find solace and support in trusted friends and family members.
There are also hundreds of great books, videos, and tapes that can offer strategies for healthier coping.
Let me know what new things you are planning to try in 2022. Do you like to make resolutions?
Also, please please please do not forget to subscribe! It’s totally free, it means the world to me, and it ensures that you aren’t missing out on AMAZING content that is going up this year.
(if I do say so myself)
Don’t miss it!
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
An original article by Mrs.Renai, Master of Psychology