Wifeys & Gentlemen,
Lately I have been feeling like I live in two worlds.
One of them is extremely optimistic about 2022. While January is always a bit of a dumpster fire for me, I am so looking forward to the growth and elevation that I know is ahead for all of us.
I firmly believe that this crazy planet is loooong overdue for a win.
The other world?
Well, frankly, it’s depressing a.f.
It’s filled with worry about how things will change. I often wonder if any of us will ever be able to fully recover from the collective, global trauma we’ve endured. I wonder if I will see any signs of real hope for a brighter future in my natural lifetime.
I happy to report that the good thoughts often outweigh the bad ones, but no matter how things ebb and flow, the idea of transition still scares me.
Maybe it’s because I am a Taurus sun, but I don’t eff with change!
…Okay, I suppose I do. But I really-supa-dupa don’t like it. Hmph! 😠
One of the things I’ve spent a huge amount of time working on has been trying to brace myself for change in “healthier”, more constructive ways. I use quotes because health is not an exact science and means different things to each of us.
I say it alot, but my “advice” is never going to be one size fits all and I do my best to distill years of personal growth, reflection, education, experience, and therapy into digestible articles for everyone to use [or not use].
That being said, this week, I wanted to drop in and give you all some helpful tips and tricks for how I brace for the impact of change.
Of course, these aren’t fool proof. Nothing I can ever say in one of my posts can do all the work for you (though I sincerely wish it could). Still, I think these reminders are a really solid starting point that most of us can access.
Here’s my take…
Understand that change can be tough and/or upsetting.
I have recently learned about the dangers of toxic positivity and f**king I hate it! I will never see the harm in acknowledging that shit is hard or isn’t “ok” at the moment. I don’t even see the harm in anticipating difficulty.
It is always okay to hope for the best when you are preparing for a major change or transition. I’d like to think that, most of the time, things work out for our greatest good and boost us even closer to the happiness we seek.
It is also ok to understand that these shifts can be overwhelming, disappointing, and difficult to navigate initially. Allow yourself to sit with the duality of change: the good and the bad.
Pay attention to your typical reactions.
Think about times in the past where you’ve dealt with a major life event, change, or transition.
How do you usually feel? How do you typically act? What are you go to methods of finding comfort and security?
If you find that your most common responses make you feel even worse or add to the problem, it might be worth the extra effort to prepare for your worst self.
I, for example, become extremely anxious and preoccupied by intrusive thoughts. At my very worst, things can get obsessive and I either act out or shut down.
My past efforts to silence these thoughts and feelings have lead me to self-destructive behaviors. While I don’t always get it right, these days, I try to look for my cues and do things to minimize the negative consequences ahead.
Basically, [without boring you with specifics] I make space for myself to show up being a little rough around the edges. I find that it helps me to be less critical and much less judgmental of myself and my feelings.
Remember your ‘locus of control’.
This is one of my FAVORITE therapy buzz words and I use it alllllll the time.
Changes makes me feel, in a word, chaotic!
It can be so easy to forget that I am a grown woman with the power of choice.
No, we cannot control what happens around us.
We cannot always control the changes we face.
We can definitely control how we respond to these things. You get to decide how you move forward into the next phase of your life. You get to decide how to continue to thrive in the face of adversity.
Focus on the elements you can control. It doesn’t mean you’ll magiaclly let go of the things that are “out of your hands”, but I promise it does help put those things into clearer perspective.
Know that you have done this before and trust your inutition.
You have made it this far for a reason.
You have moved mountains.
You have slayed dragons.
You have shown up for others and you have shown up for yourself.
You are resourceful, fastidious, intelligent, and savvy.
You are here because you have conquered all of the other obstacles that have tried to bring you down or block your path.
If you don’t have the answers now or you feel powerless to what is ahead, please please please remember that you have done this bs before! You have been through so much already and there is nothing you can’t do.
Don’t stop fighting for yourself.
Don’t give up.
This too shall pass. You are strong enough to handle it and your instincts are serving your highest good.
It is when you are weak, ugly, and broken that you need others the most. Build a network of support with others who are in your corner and give a f*ck about what happens to you.
I recently saw a meme that said:
Please come to me when times are hard. It is unfair that we spend time laughing together yet you chose to cry alone.
There are so many people out there that can (and will) love, accept, and support you the way you deserve. Whether it is through friends, family, social media, therapy, books, music, or movies/tv, there are tons of ways to feel supported and seek resources to cope.
You can always come here for support and community.
I see you and I know that you are capable of so many things.
What I love most about this blog is that you guys allow me to be myself and walk in my truth without conditions, judgment, or limitations. I am so proud of what I am building and so grateful that I have over 300 of you to push through this journey with me.
Big changes are on the horizon, family.
For once in my life, I am not afraid.
…most of the time, anyway. 😏
I have you all to thank for that.
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
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