Wifeys & Gentlemen,
It is September and I don’t know about ya’ll, but I am SO excited for summer to officially be over and done. California heat has been abysmal, to say the least, and I am one of those bitches who loves all things fall.
I love an oversized sweater and a deep-chocolate [thigh-high] boot. I love seeing my breath when I walk to my car in the morning. I love how dark it gets by 5p and that we FINALLY get our hour back; that hour we never should have lost in the first place. I love the chaos of the holiday season and being able to feel cozy and warm with family and friends.
Yeah, I know it’s cheesy, but I’m okay with it. Summer has always been so overrated to me.🙄
It’s hot! 🥵
Which, if you ask me, is bad enough, but I also think we are all set up to feel so much pressure in the summer. A weird pressure to have fun and relax.
I can only speak from my lame, American perspective but getting summers off while in K-12th grade set up this expectation that summer is a time to relax and enjoy life. We learn that if we work we really hard all year, we earn a well-deserved break from that is focused on resting and recharging. Sure, it’s only 8-9 weeks, but it’s the beautiful gift of time. It is time to slow down and enjoy what really matters; more sleep, less stress, freedom from schedules/rules, being lazy, starting/finishing projects, seeing friends, spending time with family, eating summer treats, and going on fun trips.
You grow up and suddenly it’s gone.
Now, instead of summers and long holiday breaks, we are reduced to 2 weeks a year to recharge and reconnect with ourselves [and not everyone gets even that].
Somehow, overtime, I think we get used to going through the motions. We convince ourselves that it’ll all be worth if we just keep going.
I’ve been feeling like that lately; a feeling like my life is on autopilot.
It’s somewhere between nonchalant and depressed; it’s being neither happy nor sad, but instead, frustrated. Constantly, frustrated.
As weird as it might sound, I know that when I begin to feel this way, change is coming. For me, it feels like a disturbance in my spiritual energy and there is a weird sense of panic that switches on inside me. It’s a weird tipping point; an uncanny ability to suddenly snap out of it just before I resign to feel “this way” forever.
Does that make any sense?
If you aren’t careful, you miss it. You begin to feel complacent and convince yourself that your discomfort is actually contentment. You become okay with not being okay and you forget the person you used to be.
They really aren’t lying when they say that self-healing is an ongoing journey. It feels really wack and bloggy to write that, but it’s true!
All of this to say that over the last few weeks, I have been trying to dig out the next stage of me. My baby is a year old, I am a year older, and I am 100% certain that 34 year old Mrs.Renai isn’t at all the person she thought she was.
I am also fairly confident that feeling this way is normal. So many things become so easy when you hit your mid-30s because you [or at least I] realize how short life is and how little time you want to waste being scared, sad, or settling for the least when you know you deserve the most.
I went to see a reiki healer.
She affirmed a lot of what I’ve been feeling. She helped me begin the process of leaning into the changes and I’ve been trying to just be quiet and listen.
I won’t get into the specifics of my session.
Honestly, I gave this a lot of thought and over-sharing makes me feel like I am telling you about a dream I had. While I don’t think there is anything “wrong” with sharing dreams, you really should only bore your close friends/spouse with them, you know? They love you so they have to listen because you do the same for them.
So, I will spare you the tedious details. Trust me, you’re better off.
Long story short: my crown chakra is going to need some additional repair and I am determined to keep digging until I find my highest-self. I am so grateful to the wonderful woman who lead me through my first journey. I will definitely be returning to the work, as I really do feel like it started to help me answer questions I wasn’t aware I had.
After the session, I felt compelled to start reading my cards again. I love tarot, but I find it hard to connect to it when my mood is low. I started working with this random deck of chakra oracle cards my husband won in a giveaway.
They have been helpful in reinforcing my ideas and boosting my confidence.
While it is still going to be a slow(er) start than it has been in the past, I am hopeful that this is a good sign. Maybe it means that I am growing and learning something? Maybe it means I am a little closer to being who I want to be?
I will admit, I get nervous to post things like this, sometimes.
I feel like I sound like a nut job who has lived in liberal California for way too long. Maybe I am? 🤷🏾♀️ but it makes me happy to update you guys while simultaneously working through my thoughts and feelings.
I am back on a schedule so I promise it won’t be two weeks before you see me again! I’ll be back this Friday for another, more light-hearted post.
Please don’t forget to subscribe! This month should be a good one with more videos, more posts, and the return of the I Definitely Do podcast (season 2).
Until next time,
Carry on wifeys & gents!
Don’t forget that sharing is caring! Be a lamb and tell your friends…🐑🐑🐑…🐑🐑🐑…🐑🐑🐑…